Showing posts with label swine flu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label swine flu. Show all posts

Friday, May 15, 2009

Sniveling, Snotting Little Boo Hoos

An open letter to all children past and present.

"Focus on Kids Is Best Way to Stop Swine Flu Bugs."

"Encouraging children to simply wash hands is best defense, researcher says."

If you are or at any time were a child, wash your hands regularly and stop spreading the swine flu.

You don't want to be considered a dirty, stinking, sniveling, snotting, vile, puking, crying little baby, do you? An awful, horrible, disgusting little boo hoo?



Remember, if you don't wash your hands, mommy doesn't love you. Nor does Alex.

Alex

Monday, May 04, 2009

Saludos, Amigos!

An open letter to all Mexicans, non-Mexicans, and part-time Mexicans.

As if the prospect of imminent and painful death were not enough, there's something above and beyond that I just re-realized: (Is that a word? You know, if you know something, forget about it, and suddenly, a blinding flash of the obvious… Like when I was in a dark room, trying to pull down the shades for a full thirty seconds before re-realizing that I had replaced the shades with curtains months before. But I digress.)

The fact I re-realized is: Tequila comes from Mexico. If Mexico is wiped out by the swine flu, I'll have to go back to bourbon. Please take whatever precautions are necessary to prevent this terrible disaster.

I need you to produce tequila and other necessities for me. And you need me to buy said necessities from you.

And then there's another point. You see, in my line of business, fortunately, I can deliver my product by email, if need be. That entails a different virus threat, but we won't go there now.

But you guys are in the business of growing and manufacturing tangible products. So please, please don't sneeze into the tequila.

God, I'm giving you ideas. That may have more of an effect than Alcoholics Anonymous could ever hope to…

Anyway, have a great Cinco de Mayo — at home. Viva la Mexico!

Your friend in spirit,

Alex

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Quote of the Day

"I can't pay you and I wouldn't pay you if I could! Some young gang just jacked out the place! They took everything! You guys are useless. What kind of Yakuza are YOU anyway…? This ain't what I pay you goons for. If I wanted this kind of protection I'd have used the god damn police service."

— Uncle BJ, Grand Theft Auto III.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Capitalism Countless, Government 0

I'm not a guy to go, "I told you so," but I told you so. Here the latest example of private citizens doing the job the government pretends to do, and not even getting pork chop in return.

Veratect, a private security firm, detected the swine flu outbreak weeks ago, warned the government morons — and, predictably, was ignored.



First alert: April 6.

Health pigs: "Let's have another donut."

Second alert: April 16.

Health pigs: "Let's have another donut."

Third alert: April 20.

By that time, the epidemic was out of control.

Oink, oink, oink.

If anyone in the US dies of swine flu, Obama and his minions are as guilty of their death as if they had themselves pulled the trigger.

And over at Fascist Simpering Morons, they bash anarchists and claim the government is there to protect you. Well, it can't.

The government is a coercive monopoly, and coercive monopolies have no incentive to do a good job. Even if there are one or two good pigs in the "world health police" sty who really want to protect people, they're being trampled by a herd of authoritarian, pointy-haired bureaucrat pigs.

The "anarchists," the capitalists, were the first to arrive on the scene. And as governments monopolize security, there was nothing capitalists could do to contain the emergency. Had they invaded Mexico to do the job governments failed to do, they would have been accused of rebellion, terrorism, kidnapping, and murder.

And governments? Did they do the work they forbid others to do?

No. They went for another donut.

Government pigs can and do kidnap and murder weed smokers, but they fail to restrain human time bombs that refuse to stay home when they caught the flu, and thus murder countless innocent human beings. As the saying goes, there's always a pig if you don't need him, and never if once in a blue moon you do need a pig.

QED.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Modest Proposal: Ban Swine Flu

One thing I find hard to understand is why swine flu is still legal. Why do we encourage our kids to try swine flu by keeping stuff like that legal?

As I'm writing this, greedy, unconscionable hedonists are in defiance of reason and self-preservation traveling to Mexico to smuggle back swine flu and distribute it on the street to our children. They need to be saved from themselves and stopped from harming our children.

If swine flu is outlawed, kids will know it is evil and not experiment with it. If Obama is serious about protecting innocent lives, he will deploy troops to end the anarchy in Mexico, burn the swine flu plantations, and bring to justice the swine flu barons.

It's well-known how effective bans like these are. Evidence: Since the pope's bull against the comet in 1456, no comet has hit earth.

White House: Panic Now!

" 'It's not a time to panic,' the White House said."

In my experience, panic never helps. But apparently, the White House begs to differ.

If "it's not a time to panic" now, that implies some other time is a time to panic. When?

Of course when Obama orders his private looted jet, paid for with tax stolen money, to bear down on Lower Manhattan. You see, Obama loves to see his peons panic, run, and scream incoherently.



By the way, it must be nice to have a talking house.

A house is a house, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a house of course
That is, of course, unless the house is the famous Mr. B'rack.

Go right to the source and ask the house
He'll give you the answer that you'll endorse.
He's always on a steady course.
Talk to Mr. B'rack.

People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day
But Mr. B'rack will never speak unless he has something to say.

A house is a house, of course, of course,
And this one'll talk till his voice is hoarse.
You never heard of a talking house?

Well, listen to this.

I am Mr. B'rack.

(And I scare the shit out of you suckers with my 747!)