Friday, July 25, 2025
Trenitalia Hates Its Passengers (except Executive): An Open Letter to Trenitalia
Monday, July 12, 2021
Cock Island Line
Now, this here's a story about the Cock Island Line
Well, the Cock Island Line, she runs down into Pussy Town
There's a big gal gate down there, and you know
If you got certain things on board when you come to the gal gate
Well, you ain't gonna get yourself no gal
Well, a pile driver, he pulled up to the gal gate
And the gal pouted and asked him what all he had on board, and he said
I'm a snowflake
I'm a snowflake
I got Marx
I got blacks
I got masks
I got rules
I got all feminist
Well, she said, you're alright boy, you are gonna get this gal
You can just go right on through, so he went on through the gal gate
And as he went through, he started pickin' up a little bit of speed
Pickin' up a little bit of steam
He got on through, he turned, and looked up at the gal, he said
Well, I fooled you
I fooled you
I'm a Trump man
I'm a Trump man
I got all MAGA
Down the Cock Island Line, she's a mighty good road
Cock Island Line, it's the road to ride
Cock Island Line, it's a mighty good road
Well, if you ride it, you got to ride it like you find it
Get your ticket in a blue state for the Cock Island Line
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
The Battle Hymn of the God Emperor
He is trampling out the idiots where the democrats are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.
I have seen Him in the pictures of a myriad memic clone,
They have builded Him an altar in The Donald Reddit zone;
I can read His righteous sentence on a dim and flick'ring phone:
His day is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His day is marching on.
I have read his fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my tweets shall deal";
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the leftoids with His heel,
Since Trump is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Since Trump is marching on.
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be quick to like His tweet!
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on.
In the beauty of the lilies Trump was born across the lea,
With a courage in His bosom that transfigures you and me.
Like He lives to drive cucks crazy, let us live to make men free,
While Trump is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
While Trump is marching on.
He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Sanction to producers, He is Succor to the brave,
So Europe shall be His footstool, Angela Merkel His slave,
Our God is marching on.
(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on!
Happy Birthday, God Emperor Donald J. Trump!
"I can't spare this man — he fights."
— Abraham Lincoln
Happy Flag Day, one and all!
Praise Kek!
Shadilay, my friends!
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Little Red Riding Hood
Monday, October 17, 2016
Hilly and the Great Man
He came ridin' in on the sunrise on a hot West New York day
A fancy man in a golden limo with some fancy things to say
Looks like you folks need some greatness, well, greatness is my game
And if you folks can raise some one trillion dollars, I betcha I can make you great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone start them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
They all just stood there a-staring, trying to believe
But there was one named Hilly Clinton who said he was a lying cheat
She said, you call yourself a great man, well, you oughta be ashamed
Starting all these people dreamin', thinking you can make 'em great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone keep them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
Hey, Hilly, well, a man's got to have a dream
And if you will come on inside with me, I'll grope you in between
Oh, come with me, Hilly, and the arse will write your name
And if you still think I'm lying to you, look yonder, there comes the great
Step back, nonbelievers, or the great will never come
Someone keep them crosses a-burning, somebody stroke my bum
He said, some may think I'm crazy for making all these claims
But I swear before this year is over you folks are gonna be so great
[Repeat and fade]
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Trump: A Is Non-A
Over the last few years, according to interviews and hundreds of pages of court documents, the real estate mogul has aggressively marketed several luxury high-rises as "Trump properties" or "signature Trump" buildings, with names like Trump Tower and Trump International — even making appearances at the properties to woo buyers. The strong indication of his involvement as a developer generated waves of media attention and commanded premium prices.
But when three of the planned buildings encountered financial trouble, it became clear that Mr. Trump had essentially rented his name to the developments and had no responsibility for their outcomes, according to buyers. In each case, he yanked his name off the projects, which were never completed. The buyers lost millions of dollars in deposits even as Mr. Trump pocketed hefty license fees.
Those who bought the apartments in part because of the Trump name were livid, saying they felt a profound sense of betrayal, and more than 300 of them are now suing Mr. Trump or his company.
"The last thing you ever expect is that somebody you revere will mislead you," said Alex Davis, 38, who bought a $500,000 unit in Trump International Hotel and Tower Fort Lauderdale, a waterfront property that Mr. Trump described in marketing materials as "my latest development" and compared to the Trump tower on Central Park in Manhattan.
…
"There was no disclaimer that he was not the developer," Mr. Davis said.
…
Alan Garten, a lawyer for Mr. Trump's company, said that, regardless of what Mr. Trump himself or any marketing materials had suggested, his role was disclosed in lengthy purchasing documents that buyers should have carefully scrutinized.
Make no mistake, Trump lied. He said he was the developer when he wasn't, which is proven by the disclaimers in the contracts.
He guaranteed these projects to his customers with his name, which to them stood for quality, and now he claims the disclaimer nullified that guarantee. It is an interesting legal and moral question whether you can make an oral guarantee and then simply go, "April fool!" and revoke it in the written contract. No matter what the courts decide, however, morally speaking, Trump should indemnify his victims at least to the amount that he profited from the deals where they lost.
Instead, The Donald cynically claims that, due to the crash of property values, his victims would have lost even more on the apartments if the developments had gone forward. This is completely immaterial.
After all, if his victims had made a killing with the apartments, he would have claimed it as being due to his "genius." Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan.
If his victims had turned a profit, Trump would have taken all the credit for that. Now that they have lost money through him, he blames it on the market.
This kind of deception constitutes a worrisome trend I've seen growing worse over the last couple years. Marketing materials claim that a service is exceptionally A, only for the contract to painstakingly insist that the service provided is not to be considered A in any way, shape, or form.
Don't ever believe anything you see in an ad. All ads lie. (Except for my book ads on the right, of course.)
Read the contract. Read the fine print. That's where the truth is out there.
Trust no one. White-collar criminals will go through all the motions to appear legitimate and respectable to you. You can't go by appearances. Read the fine print, or you will be defrauded.
And no one has anything to give away. If it sounds too good to be true, it very likely is too good to be true. Stay the fuck away.
No, you don't need the government to protect you, even if you're not a Randian hero. In the fine print, there will be a very clear disclaimer saying that the service advertised as A is not in fact A and that you can lose all your money. If you read such a disclaimer, run like hell.
It's in fact those white-collar criminals that clamor to be regulated by the government, so they can advertise the fact that they're regulated. But all the government regulation in the world doesn't help you none if you sign a contract where you waive your right to receive the service you paid for. And once you sue them for deceptive advertising or the like, they're already in Brazil with your money.
"Trump. Owning here is just the beginning." What a threat. Do you really want to own a property that's infested with Foxes Mulder?
The sad thing is that even an unethical businessman like Trump would be a better
Trump's borderline fraud is chicken shit against Obama defrauding auto company bondholders and thereby revealing that the village idiot has no clothes and that the "rule of law" was a myth all along. And at least Trump knows there's no such thing as "shovel-ready projects."
What's Trump's conduct compared with social security, the largest Ponzi scheme in history? What's losing a deposit compared with income tax?
Trump for president. A skyscraper on every corner. A dead cat on every head.
I mean that sincerely. No joke.
Well, a sad joke. Or rather, sad, but no joke. Or a joke, but not as sad or as big a joke as Obama.
At least things will not get boring with The Donald as village idiot. And you can make fun of him without the moon bats automatically bestowing the title "racist" on you.
Trump says that when he's elected village idiot, the world will no longer laugh at America. True. The world will be busy laughing at Trump.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Donald Foxed
Monday, May 09, 2011
Dead Foxes Are a Little Bit Racist, Too!
When it comes to racism and racists, I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist. I've had great relationships.
…
In fact, Randal Pinkett won on The Apprentice a little while ago, a couple years ago, and Randal's been outstanding in every way. So I am the least racist person.
This, of course, does not follow. Even if "Randal Pinkett won on The Apprentice" did prove that Trump is not racist, how does it prove that there are no less racist persons than Mr. Cathead?
And not only is it illogical, it sounds stupid, too. "So I am the least racist person." Just about like a kindergarten kid or a total retard (a racist word, or just politically incorrect?) would defend himself. I've known a total retard who used to defend himself exactly like this.
In fact, his logic and language sound a lot like Sarah Palin.
Here's what Mr. Dead Fox should have said upon being called out for his racism:
And of course, I'm a little bit racist, too. Or in other words, gentlemen prefer blondes.
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Trump Pattern Baldness
Often, the final result resembles a dead fox plastered to the forehead or a dead cat nailed on top of the crown of the head. This is dubbed "developer's balding." Rarely, the condition may progress to complete delusion.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Birthers Trumped
We'd need someone who knows the blood types of all involved, or Obama and company would have to submit to DNA tests. But why should they?
An who cares? Obama's communistic enough as it is, and it's not like communism is inherited genetically, as far as I know.
As for the birthers' key claim that Obama was born outside the US, this should be the end of it. He showed the document he was supposed to show, and that's the end of the line.
Only that to the birthers, it won't be. Of course, there's always a chance of forgery. The certificate is a copy from some sort of a ledger, so there's an outside chance that some entries or further pages were cropped/omitted, but from the layout, like the numbering and the position of the signatures, that looks extremely unlikely. Then, for all we know, the whole document could have been made up by the CIA out of whole cloth.
Then again, Obama could be an alien, like Michael Jackson. If he were born at Area 51, would that make him eligible to rule the free?
The only two things you can know with absolute certainty are that you exist and that you are conscious. For anything else, there is less than 100% proof, and anybody can make up nonfalsifiable theories about it.
Who's to say god or the Flying Spaghetti Monster didn't tamper with all archeological evidence to make dinosaurs look millions of years older than the 6,000 years they are, to tempt men to doubt him? Who's to say there is no invisible, disembodied, mute, odorless, tasteless miniature Loch Ness Monster in my closet?
Good that Trump made Obama release it (the birth certificate, not the Loch Ness Monster), though. Obama shouldn't get a free pass just because he's black and can pull the race card whenever he doesn't like something he's got to do. Obama should have to provide the same amount of documentation that McCain would have had to provide for being born in Panama / the Panama Canal Zone / the Panama Canal / whatever.
Looks like Obama was just stubborn, after all.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Warmest Cheers for The Donald
Donald Trump recently stated with a laugh at a speech to his membership at Trump National Golf Club in Westchester "with the coldest winter ever recorded, with snow setting record levels from Virginia all the way up and down the coast, the Nobel Committee should take the Nobel Prize back from Al Gore."
As Mr. Trump explained, "Gore wants us to clean up our factories and plants in order to protect us from global warming when China and other countries couldn't care less. It would make us totally non-competitive in the manufacturing world and China, Japan, and India are laughing at America's stupidity while they go along with the good act of pretending they're all for spending dollars on global warming." The entire room of 500 people stood up and cheered.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
A Do to Remember
"I think he felt a certain kind of immunity," Ambers said. "It's part of the grandiosity — 'They are not going to be able to punish me because I'm above the law, I'm smarter, I will outfox them.' "
Not so. It's more like a Dogbertian "I'm so cute, no jury will convict me" thing.
If Blagojevich gets acquitted, it'll be on account of his hair. If he gets convicted, it'll be in spite of his hair. If The Donald had done what Blago is being accused of, he'd already be on death row by now.
Then, of course, charity begins at home, so when Blago pays one last wistful visit to the State of Illinois Center, he may want to try being a good neighbor, walk over to the new Trump Tower, and if its owner's in, donate some locks. Sharing will no doubt ease his conscience and make him feel better.
It's a win-win situation. And it sure beats that dead cat.
In other words:
There once was a man from Chicago:
We'll not name him, just call him Blago.
Thought: I'll just play the machine —
It's an easy crime routine:
The voter's as dumb as a Dago!
Thought: My hair is my greatest asset;
If caught in office, on I'll pass it.
A jury may get picked,
But it will not convict,
For I am as cute as a basset!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Donald, Meet the Hatfields and McCoys
That is perfectly immoral. If person A does something bad, why should person B aid and abet that just because they happen to share some genetic material and/or have lived together/known each other for a long time?
Not "right or wrong, my country," but — maybe an even worse kind of collectivism — "right or wrong, my family." For the result of such tribalism or clanism, look at Somalia.
Thanks a lot, Donald. Now every time I think of you, I'll have in mind an image of some Hatfields and McCoys killing each other over some perceived wrong to their clan. I guess it's all relative in New York, too — at least in some families.
Ever heard, "You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends"? To paraphrase Martin Luther King, I have a dream that children will one day live in a world where they will not be judged by their relationship status, but by the content of their character.
PS. Donald, you've been renamed. Now you're called Joe Roberts.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The Multiple Vote
As a first principle, a multiple vote system in 21st century America should be designed to favor those who have put forth the greatest effort to be economically self-sufficient, and those who contribute most to society. In other words, those who have demonstrated that they understand the importance of making good choices in their lives would be rewarded. Just as a suggestion, a new American voting system might confer additional votes to all those of voting age, as follows:
And that's where the ground drops from under the wing nut.
"One additional vote for those with a college degree and/or active duty military service."
Hmm… An effort at bipartisanship or just plain thoughtlessness? After all, colleges are dominated by liberals. Well, who cares, at least it's one more vote for me.
"One additional vote for those with 20 years or more of demonstrated voluntary civilian service to church, community, state, or nation."
Now the true fundie
"One additional vote for individuals who have raised at least one child to age 16 without being divorced."
Hmm… He doesn't mention all those enlightened folks who raise their kids without ever marrying. So it must be OK with him. If never marrying is OK, why then is he against divorce?
He probably can't even imagine that kids are ever born out of wedlock! Looks like that fundie would have to be more enlightened to be unenlightened.
Now for the hard part: What means raising? Shouldn't there be some success test? Or should anybody who shits out a baby and doesn't file for divorce for sixteen years be rewarded with another vote, even if she raises her kid to become a serial killer?
"One additional vote for those without a felony criminal record."
Again, nice in theory. But that would require a justice system that makes a credible effort to discover the truth instead of hunting scapegoats. Remember the West Memphis Three? And it would require a justice system that does not treat things like drug dealing and tax evasion as felonies.
"One additional vote for those who own their principal place of residence, mortgage free."
So why not cut through the red tape and simply introduce plutocracy? The more productive the individual, the higher the income, the more votes. There would be the problem of worthless heirs, but that could be addressed.
Look, for example, at The Donald. I used to admire him, but he's a textbook case of the Wynand syndrome: I still admire his work, but since I started reading his blog and got to know his petty and often borderline-irrational personality, I don't care much for him as a person anymore.
Nevertheless, even an average-to-bad capitalist like The Donald would be a billion times better at running a country than your average Obamabot or Palin disciple. (And I know some. I wish I would not.)
In any event, the multiple vote would be an important first step on the road towards anarcho-capitalism. Unlike anarcho-capitalism, however, state plutocracy does not address the problems inherent in the monopoly government's claim to exclusivity: No competition and an inherent mysticism.
In other words, vigilantes, even if they punish the right criminal justly, would still be persecuted just for not being the government. And government would continue to be a Hegelian juggernaut, instead of just another utility: People would still be ready to murder and to sacrifice their lives for the state, something they would never do for a non-mystical, corporate, private utility.
But I digress. If you want to know more about solving the problem of worthless heirs and minarchy versus anarchy, you'll have to wait for my next book, Mystic Triangle. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
Can it ever happen? Probably not… at least not so long as liberals control the White House and/or hold majorities in at least one house of Congress. It is precisely the under-educated, the uninformed, and the indifferent voters, and those who can be convinced that they are in some way "victims" of all the rest of us, who are essential to liberal success at the polls.
And here the wing nut mudslinging, predictably, goes off the scale. Need I mention college liberals again? Need I mention that many, like drug offenders, are indeed victimized by the fascist man?
So if you want to know the politics of friends or relatives who say they never discuss politics or religion, there's an easy way to find out. Just run this idea up the flag pole. If they salute it, they're probably conservatives; if they try to shoot it down, they're probably liberals.
Nice try, buster. I agree with the idea of the multiple vote, but I'm no conservative. You probably never heard the word libertarian?
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Brain Cell in Every Hair?
Imagine a multi-billion-dollar real estate tycoon pestering a reporter over some perceived slight… One should think he has bigger fish to fry.
And look at that URL: That BS was published under the "Trump University" imprint. Latest class: Being a Jerk 101, huh? Well, that I can teach you for free.
And look at that poor chick's resume — why the fuck would she want to fuck that up with an appearance on reality TV? Could anyone tell me what in that resume, in The Donald's opinion, is "very unimportant" in comparison with The Holy Show? Or what he smoked?
Better never do business with The Donald, or you'll never see the last of his clingy, insecure self. What was that with the Napoleon complex? Tiny self-confidence = huge ambition.
What The Trump Blog fails to deliver in business tips, it sure replaces in entertainment value. Again, take the time to read the lickspittle comments.
Here's the random winner I picked, "member1847017":
She didn't forget to acknowledge Mr. Trump. She wants evryone to think she got where she is today without any help from anyone.
If she was of good character and good intellegence she would have paid tribute to those who deserve it. One day the lack of courtesy will com back and bite her very hard in the ass. Mr. Trump would not have gotten to where he is if he failed to acknowledge the people that helped him get to where he is today.
If she really cares about The Donald, she'll buy him a toupee. Or at least get him a big brown bag. Or at the very least, a new dead cat.
Maybe I should do a PayPal donation drive? "A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, and a toupee on every Donald"?
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Anything Goes (Shrub Edition)
Times have changed,
And we've often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
When today,
Some shock the shrub fought on a whim,
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock did land on him!
(Lyrics continued below.)
Nowadays a glimpse of stocking
Is looked on as something shocking,
For sure everybody knows,
Only fundie prigs wear hose.
The Alex too who once knew better words
Will only use four-letter words
Writing prose,
Anything goes!
If parking the next bimbo you like, (Why not?)
If lines of llello you like, (I like chocolate, dude.)
If old hymns you like, (Like the shrub…)
If bare limbs you like, (Boy, do I!)
If Jim West you like, (So totally platonically!)
Or me undressed you like, (Yeah, baby, yeah!)
Why, nobody will oppose. (Oh, behave!)
When every night the set that's smart is (You talkin' about me, partner?)
Intruding in nudist parties in studios, (Come on in, y'all!)
Anything goes!
When them guys at ExxonMobil (Hank bless them)
Still can hoard enough cash for Jim to "Yes" them
Then I suppose
Anything goes!
Plus, when The Donald still can hoard enough
Money to make a chick come
And take the vows,
Anything goes!
The world has gone mad today,
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once owned half of Lehman Bros.
When folks who still can ride subway trains
Find out that Alan Greenspan's famed brains
All money blows,
Anything goes!
If Valley girls can with great conviction
Instruct us all in diction,
Then Fluffy shows,
Anything goes!
When you hear those fundie morons lonely
Believe preaching abstinence only
Flies with bros
Anything goes!
Just think of those scores you've got
And those whores you've got
And those blues you've shot
And those clues you've got
And those pains you've got
(If any brains you've got)
Playing Grand Theft till blood flows.
So Mr. W., wasting taxes,
Can broadcast from a shed in Texas
'Cause the shrub knows
Anything goes!
You want more?
Encore:
If auto execs can swoop down in private jets
And get DC looters to underwrite their bets
'Cause pensions rose
Anything goes!
Bye-bye, shrubby! Have fun at Farewell Ranch in Texas! Beware of those evil pretzels. And if you happen to meet a bottle of bourbon, remember: abstinence only!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Bench That Dench
I don't care that our British friends believe she's one of their finest actresses. I mean, Brits believe Roger Moore can't act.
(Shouldn't become a closet collectivist here, though. It should be: "most Brits," not "all Brits.")
Anyway, let's cut to the chase. Dench's #1 problem is that basically she's nothing but a punk: She's rebelling against beauty itself.
Until a cure for aging is found, one can at least try to age gracefully. Letting one's face implode into a crater with wrinkles around and then smearing eyeliner and lipstick on the remains like whitewash on the ruins of the WTC is only adding insult to injury.
Like so many things, it's either or. Either go for a facelift or forgo the makeup.
And if she doesn't want to dye her white hair, fine. But that doesn't mean she has to opt for a do that looks like it's been nibbled by boogle of weasels. The Donald's do has more dignity.
As for her "acting," I've seen her only in Shakespeare in Love and in those disastrous howlers that pass for Bond movies these days. Nevertheless, in both roles she played a mean old bat, and from her performance as M it's obvious that she can't act, can't even tell acting from frenzied histrionics.
So I can't help but wonder, is she being typecast or isn't she acting at all — is she just playing herself? If an actor's playing the same type again and again, that's basically the only two possibilities.
Either she's had some real bad luck being cast, or she enjoys being a mean old bat because she is a mean old bat in real life. Given her open rebellion against beauty, I tend to think the latter.
Monday, October 20, 2008
People Who Live in Glass Towers…
(Note the toadying comments below his post! Hilarious!)
I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to hear that from The Donald, of all people. Who would you rather do business with: someone in skimpy attire and flip-flops, or someone in an outrageous comb over — who, to add insult to injury, even refuses to shake hands with you? The Donald should be the last person in the world to criticize anybody's style.
By the way, the other day I saw a pic of him in an old magazine, from the early nineties. Back then, his do didn't look quite that bad. I think it was some kind of a comb over even then, but he still had a reasonable enough amount of hair to wear it with some dignity.
I think the evolution of The Donald's do is like frying a frog. They say if you set a frog in a hot frying pan, he'll hop out. But if you set him in a cold pan and slowly turn up the heat, he'll never notice the gradual increase in temperature and allow himself to get fried.
Now, I'm not a Frenchman, so I wouldn't do that to a poor varmint, but it sure has some bearing on the matter at hand, or rather, at hair. Likely, slowly losing hair after hair, The Donald never noticed how his comb over got more and more, to use his expression, "inappropriate" over the years.
Anyway, when I start hiring, it'll be:
"Keep, ancient firms, your professional pomp!" cries me
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your sweating masses yearning to breathe free,
The flip-flopping refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the workless, Trump-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside Trump's golden door!"
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Whatever Happened to Rosie O'Donnell?
The ruins of her face somehow imploded further. I thought that was physically impossible.
Thar she blows:

Image courtesy of David Shankbone, licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License.
Serious self-tanner malfunction? (LOL, I just typed "elf-tanner." Obviously not a product Rosie would use.)
No, I guess she just crept into an oven to get at the cookie batter before it solidifies into cookies. So stick a fork in her: She's done!
Before, it was bad enough:

Image courtesy of Jason Chatting, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 License.
Now, no doubt due to the same hormone imbalance that caused her hoplophobia, she felt compelled to slap on ten times the amount. Clearly, this knocks her from a 2 down to a 1.
(Yes, of course I've seen a 0. I tried to take a photo of her, but she broke the camera. No joke.)
Or maybe she's such a hoplophobe 'cause every time she passes a mirror she's tempted to improve her looks and state of mind by shooting herself? Anyway, Rosie, you are not allowed to spook folks with that mug of yours, and if you do run around without your bag on, I think you should go to prison.
Man, it'll be a sad day in Heifer County when Kelli Carpenter decides to have her eyesight restored… 6+1= Major mismatch.
"I mean would you want to wake up next to that? … Would you want to kiss that face?"
— The Donald
True in 2006, twice as true now. The Donald rules.
His comb over, you say?
"I don't say my hair is my greatest strength in the world, but it's not terrible," says he.
I agree. That puts him head and shoulders over everybody's favorite gun control freak.
Now, you wonder, what could poor Rosie do to escape comments like these? In fact, there are two things.
First, she could eat less — about a ton a day. Second, she could stop making light of other folks' right to self-defense.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Soaring Toward the Heavens - Again
But can one such building replace the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers were my favorite buildings anywhere because they had all the qualities that I think make an office building great. They were tall. They did not have any setbacks to apologize for their greatness. They looked tall — their facade columns stressed the vertical and let the Towers soar. They had logical, simple floorplans flexible enough to allow for customization by the tenant. They did not have any decorative elements other than necessary due to the aforementioned four points. The Twin Towers were the perfect embodiment of form follows function. Frank Lloyd Wright modernism is wonderful for residences and museums — but the best shape for an office skyscraper is usually a box. The Twin Towers were the logical thing: If you want to make an office building the tallest in the city — make the box 110 floors. If you want to make it "so New York" — build two of them, while you're at it.
The latest version of Freedom Tower is said to have 82 floors instead of 70. Instead of about 1,100 feet, its roof will now rise to the 1,362 feet of the old Two WTC, while a glass parapet will reach the 1,368 feet of One WTC. With some good will — ignoring the facts that glass is not aluminum or steel and that visitors on the elevated observation deck above the roof of Two WTC stood higher than the 1,362 feet they can reach on Freedom Tower's rooftop observation deck — one might say that the first of the new WTC Towers will be not one inch shorter than before. This is of course the paramount requirement for a rebuilt WTC. But the requirement not to retreat from the skies in any way whatsoever is not met in a host of other dimensions. Well, if they would only build two of these Freedom Towers! (Why not call them "Freedom" and "Liberty" as a friend of me suggested?) However, the Libeskind-decreed downward spiral dictates that all other WTC Towers must be even shorter than Freedom Tower.
Deplorably, Freedom Tower supposedly will only have 82 floors versus the Twin Tower's 110. This comparison is however somewhat deceptive. Looking at drawings of the Twin Towers in engineering textbooks, it appears that they have been cheating up back then: To arrive at a floor count of 110, they must have counted the tall lobbies as multiple floors and double-high mechanical floors as two floors. Real floor count must have been more like 102. I have not seen such detailed drawings for the new Freedom Tower design, but by some simple calculations I wager to say that by the old method of counting, one might arrive at a floor count of up to 102 for Freedom Tower. So depending on how you count, the Twin Towers had at least 102, at most 110 floors (of which 92 were office floors); Freedom Tower will have between 82 and 102 (69 office floors). The remaining discrepancy despite equal height to roof is explainable by the fact that in today's office buildings, individual floors are higher than in those built 30 years ago. Anyway, where they have been cheating up in the past, they are cheating down now, in order to not scare the tenants on the top office floors, who are supposedly afraid of being "up there." What those of us who want to have an office on a cool three-digit floor are to do, has not been addressed.
In any event, authorities' claims that Freedom Tower will be materially taller than the Twin Towers are not true. The old 1,368-foot-tall One WTC Tower had a 1,728-foot communications tower (read: antenna) on top; the new 1,368-foot-tall Freedom Tower will have a 1,776-foot spire on top that doubles as a broadcasting antenna. The real-life difference between the tips of the two buildings is all of 48 feet. Only the more or less arbitrary decision of the Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat (sounds like one more Toohey council!), the self-appointed, unofficial umpire on what counts towards building height and what does not, declares the old Tower to be 1,368 official feet and may declare the new one 1,776. Functional broadcasting masts do not count towards building height; their existence is blanked out. A purely ornamental spire however does count. Freedom Tower's spire will be both an antenna and an ornament. Depending on the Council's whim, there is a fifty-fifty chance that the building will be pronounced to be 1,368 or 1,776 feet.
Freedom Tower will have a slightly smaller footprint (200 by 200 feet versus 208 by 208). As the building tapers considerably, it will comprise only slightly more than half the office space of ONE Twin Tower. The office space once contained in two monumental towers will now be broken up into five smaller buildings. What is more, even when the last new WTC Tower is completed, not all office space destroyed by the terrorists will have been rebuilt. For a failure to effect a full rebuilding in this respect, "thank" communitarian urban planners who cry "less density" as an answer to all questions they are faced with. I guess if you ask one of them the time of day he will answer: "Less density!"
Deplorably, developer and WTC leaseholder Larry Silverstein has been no help in getting the Twin Towers rebuilt. He is only focused on rebuilding as much office space as the urban planners let him get away with, no matter if the new WTC buildings are shorter and constitute a retreat from the skies. Silverstein seems to be the man Howard Roark warns Gail Wynand against: "The man whose sole aim is to make money." A man who does not mind if a building is shorter and smaller than the one it replaces, if shorter and smaller is more short-term profitable. A developer whose end is not the best, greatest possible skyscraper, but who treats the means to an end — money — as an end in itself.
Some people say we must rebuild the Twin Towers to show that we are not afraid of terrorists. While this is one reason, I say we must rebuild the Twin Towers — terrorists or no terrorists. Rebuilding the Twin Towers would be just as important if they had been destroyed by an earthquake or a hurricane. One simply does not replace a great thing with something less great. Period.
Now, there is a controversy over whether tax money should help pay for rebuilding the WTC. Of course, in principle the government has no business building or operating office space. On the other hand, the government has no business prohibiting developers like Donald Trump from building 140-story towers via the FAA or zoning laws. Maybe the government owes New York a 100-plus-story skyscraper or two? Moreover, the Twin Towers were destroyed in an act of war; countering acts of war is the legitimate business of government. Finally, as the money has already been looted, there are much worse ways to spend it. Ayn Rand said in "Apollo 11":
As far as "national priorities" are concerned, I want to say the following: we do not have to have a mixed economy, we still have a chance to change our course and thus to survive. But if we do continue down the road of a mixed economy, then let them pour all the millions and billions they can into the space program. If the United States is to commit suicide, let it not be for the sake and support of the worst human elements, the parasites-on-principle, at home and abroad. Let it not be its only epitaph that it died paying its enemies for its own destruction. Let some of its lifeblood go to the support of achievement and the progress of science. The American flag on the moon — or on Mars, or on Jupiter — will, at least, be a worthy monument to what had once been a great country.
Let me paraphrase this: The American Flag in the sky on a 110-story — or for that matter, why not 220-story — Tower on this Earth will be a worthy monument to what can again be a great country.
Originally published on August 1, 2005, on The Atlasphere.