A Simple Way to Control the Fundies

Here's a simple way to get the fundies and conservatives under control: Everything that is illegal for some group of people automatically becomes illegal for Christians.

Gays can't marry? Fine, Christians can't marry, either.

Teenagers can't have sex? Fine, Christians can't have sex, either.

Weed is illegal? Fine, so is altar wine.

Let's see how long they can stand their own medicine. 

Debacle: Failing to Rebuild the Twin Towers Out Now

Friends, Americans, civilized humans, lend me your eyes; I come to praise the WTC, not to bury it. The evil that men do lives after them; the good should not be interred with their bones: nor should it be with the bones of the Twin Towers. The vile Caesars have told you the Twin Towers were ambitious: If it was so, it was not a grievous fault, but their noblest virtue. But grievously hath Caesar answered it.

World trade means world peace… The World Trade Center is a living symbol of man's dedication to world peace. Beyond the compelling need to make this a monument to world peace, the World Trade Center should, because of its importance, become a representation of man's belief in humanity, his need for individual dignity, his beliefs in the cooperation of men, and through cooperation, his ability to find greatness.

— Minoru Yamasaki

Is it beauty and genius they want to see? Do they seek a sense of the sublime? Let them come to New York, stand on the shore of the Hudson, look and kneel. When I see the city from my window — no, I don't feel how small I am — but I feel that if a war came to threaten this, I would like to throw myself into space, over the city, and protect these buildings with my body.

— Ayn Rand

Those awesome symbolic towers that speak of liberty, human rights, and humanity have been destroyed. They have gone up in smoke.

— Osama bin Laden

Ten years ago today, murderous terrorists crashed jetliners into the Word Trade Center Towers, realizing their plan that the Twin Towers that stood for rational man's achievement, capitalism, freedom, free trade, and world peace should no longer grace the New York skyline, aiming to extinguish the twin beacons of liberty and enlightenment, so that the forces of darkness should rule the world once more.

The terrorists have failed, as rule by faith and force must always fail. They have not brought about another Dark Age. But they murdered 3,000 human beings, wrecked four jetliners, prompted people to sacrifice priceless liberties to fear, caused economic damage in the trillions of dollars, and destroyed two landmark building complexes.

Some of these battles are battles for another day and not the primary subject of our book. But on September 12, 2001, there was little doubt as to what had to be done about one of these points. The landmark complex less completely destroyed, the Pentagon, was quickly restored. To this day, people from around the US and the world are shocked to learn that what is built at the WTC is not new Twin Towers, taller, stronger, and safer.

For ten wasted years now, the worst of contemporary politics has made sure that no towers of comparable stature are rising at the WTC, thus kept the killers' legacy intact and respected their wish that New York and America be cut down to size, never to rise again.

Groups that favored drastically different philosophies of urban design, groups that saw professional opportunities for themselves, and groups that saw any pool of funds dedicated to relief of the needy as best devoted to their own priorities swooped in to claim they spoke for all.

Allied to this was the most vocal proportion of those who had lost loved ones in the attacks, casting about in their grief for solace. Whether seeking to blame someone for their loss or seeking maximum public recognition of their loss, they made pleas of a kind rare in previous historical disasters that often amounted to leaving the site as the killers of their loved ones had desired rather than permitting it to be reclaimed for the purposes to which and for which their loved ones had given their lives.

To the vulture-like opportunists seeing an opportunity to remake the city, and to the emotionally devastated seeking to see its unmaking left as a tribute to the victims, the officials listened. To the wider nation anxious to see the restoration of what could be restored, they paid no heed.

— Louis Epstein, World Trade Center Restoration Movement

WTC leaseholder Larry Silverstein has been determined to rebuild the office space, but lacks the vision and vigor to rebuild the towers he had once said he lusted for, towers he could only buy, but not create. He prefers the bulk of the iconic Twin Towers to be broken down into a bunch of buildings each half the size of a Twin Tower, to be built at a pace that minimizes his economic risk.

Moreover, he won't permit any new building at the WTC to have nearly as many occupied floors as the 110-story Twin Towers, as he now believes he has to protect the people who would work there from themselves.

All new WTC buildings now planned or under construction are much smaller and shorter than the Twin Towers, with the exception of the antenna on the new One WTC, which will be slighter taller than the old antenna. Thanks to officials' incompetence, there will not even be a new Windows on the World restaurant.

While politicians made sure that the public was never offered a poll pitting the stunted designs preferred by the interests they catered to — victims' families, urban utopian planners, and Silverstein — against restored Twin Towers, any poll there was soundly rejected the official offerings, which never managed to beat "none of the above" and usually took a shellacking from "none of the above."

Results on Imagine New York (the LMDC's official poll):
Libeskind: 205 votes / 26%
THINK: 260 votes / 33%
None of the above: 323 votes / 41%
Total: 788 votes

Results on NY1:
Results since February 4, 2003
Libeskind: 6,853 votes / 21%
THINK: 4,615 votes / 14%
I don't like either of these plans: 20,892 votes / 64%
Total: 32,360 votes

Results on CNN:
Which of the two finalists' designs do you prefer for the World Trade Center site?
Libeskind: 33,050 votes / 32%
THINK: 34,867 votes / 34%
Neither is good: 35,747 votes / 34%
Total: 103,664 votes

The incompetent and intellectually bankrupt officials have seen their WTC plans fall apart again and again for ten years because they treated the WTC rebuilding as a random office development with a memorial plopped in and failed to heed the most fundamental advice for great architecture:

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will themselves not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will not die.

— Daniel H. Burnham

The human beings we lost were bold. These people deserve majestic new towers as bold as they were. One of the best ways we can honor them is to carry on their work. Safer, taller towers will be a living testament that complements our memorial and helps make it one of the seven modern wonders of the world. We need a skyline that does justice to the wonderful people we lost. We will not sell these people short.

— Jonathan Hakala, tenant, One World Trade Center

In the words of New Yorkers from all walks of life, Debacle: Failing to Rebuild the Twin Towers chronicles their love of their city and their towers, their hopes for rebuilding, their experience with the corrupt official rebuilding process, and the blueprints that can still restore tall Twin Towers to the WTC.

Debacle: Failing to Rebuild the Twin Towers is now available for Amazon Kindle. Dead tree edition coming soon.

Unselfish People Are Most Selfish

Today it struck me that of all the people I have met, the unselfish ones are the most selfish. (In the traditional sense, not Ayn Rand's reframe.)

It's the most "liberal," left-wing, avowedly meek and tolerant moon bats, unselfish by their own accounts and only out to help others, that are most intolerant (of everything but left-wing stuff), opinionated, pushy, arrogant, touchy, resentful of criticism, entitlement-minded, greedy (for donations and tax money for their pet causes), and the first to call for a law that attempts to exterminate any of their pet peeves with psychotic violence. The same is true, to a lesser degree, of the wing nuts and Jesus freaks. (Maybe it seems to me to be to a lesser degree just because I never go to Utah or Mississippi and slum with the hardcore Jesus freaks.)

It's the people that in your face are warmest, friendliest, kindest, and most mild-mannered that will explode into a fireball of rage once you scratch the surface and question the beliefs they take for granted and regard as universal. Let's call it the Mother Theresa syndrome, after the bitch that believed that for helping those who were dying in agony find Jesus (instead of giving them medicine) she was entitled to free flights, at the expense of airlines.

It's not so much the objectivists (except for Rand herself) that defriend people for disagreeing with them. It's the moon bats, and to a lesser degree, the wing nuts. And while the objectivists / Rand fans I know can be jerks, just as Randians reputedly are, they pale in comparison with the moon bats.

True, there is quite some repudiating going on, but that's nothing against what happens if you question the principles of a liberal. And it's not because my opinions are closer to objectivists and libertarians than to moon bats and wing nuts. I've fought with all of them, and it takes much less to provoke a more psychotic reaction from a moon bat than from a libertarian.

I'd say I'm selfish (in the Randian sense of caring mostly about my own affairs), and that entails some of the above qualities commonly considered negative, like arrogant, opinionated, intolerant (of intolerance), greedy, etc. But compared with the unselfish people, I'm Gandhi (as are most objectivists and libertarians).

So while selfishness in the Randian sense can turn someone into a major jerk, that's nothing against the unselfishness of the moon bats. Given that observation, it's little wonder that the state is so ready to threaten and use lethal force to "protect people from themselves." The unselfish, the moon bats and the wing nuts, make sure of that by voting the way they do, for fascists like Obama and the shrub. Unselfishness is preached as a virtue, and observe the results.

And no matter how controversial Rand's reframe of "selfishness" is, she was right. Unselfish people are indeed no good.

The unselfish may be saccharinely friendly in your face (at first), give to the poor, and volunteer for the community, but if you disagree with their socialism and/or Jesus crap, at best you're dead to them, and at worst they call for a law to send you to a concentration camp. In fact, I think I can formulate that as a general rule: If someone I meet is unbearably saccharine, chances are she will explode into a fit of psychotic rage the first time I disagree with her.

This rule can be expanded beyond moon bats and wing nuts to include all second-handers, even libertarian ones. As a second-hander bases her self-respect on the number of her friends instead of on her own achievements, she will try to ingratiate herself with everyone she meets. But if her second-hander beliefs are questioned or once she is frustrated by the unworkability of second-handedness, she will react with all the negative qualities that are stereotypically associated with the straw man of the selfish person, although a truly selfish person has much less of them than an unselfish person.

The meek shall destroy the world. It makes sense: As there is no way their delusions can be defended rationally, flight and psychotic violence are their only weapons in an argument.

Objectivists, compared with the moon bats and wing nuts, you are gold! (You may want to copy and paste and treasure this one, as I'm not going to say that often.)

Ramble, Christian Soldiers

Andre the Giant may have a posse, but Sarah Palin has a new campaign hymen hymn:

1. Ramble, Christian soldiers, murder as in war,
Bomb abortion clinics like we done before.
Faith, the ancient horror, fights against the mind;
Forward into battle, see our jackboots grind!
Refrain:
Ramble, Christian soldiers, murder as in war,
Bomb abortion clinics like we done before.

2. At the sign of Sarah sanity doth flee;
Ramble, Christian soldiers, on to lunacy!
East and West Coast quiver at our web of lies;
Mortify your brain cells, belt your moron cries.
(Refrain)

3. Like a zombie army moves the church of god;
Brothers, we are treading where fascists have trod.
We are not gratified, all no body we,
Only desperate doctrine and insanity.
(Refrain)

4. Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane,
But the state's guns do the status quo maintain.
The real world can never 'gainst that church prevail;
We have Sarah's promise, and that cannot fail.
(Refrain)

5. Onward then, ye people, join our moron throng,
Blend with ours your voices in our insane song.
Glory, laud, and honor unto god the king,
This through countless ages fools and killers sing.
(Refrain)



"When fascism comes to America, it will come wrapped in the Flag and waving a cross."

— Attributed to Sinclair Lewis

God on Railroad Timetable, Camping on His Sword

I mean, even if you believe in god and rapture and stuff, how can you believe that such a jealous, ancient god would schedule his apocalypse according to time zones drawn up by nineteenth-century railroads?

In other words, when we get to May 21 on the calendar in any city or country in the world, and the clock says about — this is based on other verses in the bible — when the clock says about 6 p.m., there's going to be this tremendous earthquake that's going to make the last earthquake in Japan seem like nothing in comparison. And the whole world will be alerted that Judgment Day has begun. And then it will follow the sun around for 24 hours. As each area of the world gets to that point of 6 p.m. on May 21, then it will happen there, and until it happens, the rest of the world will be standing far off and witnessing the horrible thing that is happening.

As I'm writing this, the rapture after party is winding down, and the birds are singing outside. Yet life is not good for the fundies Harold Camping defrauded.

"My mentality was, why are we going to work for more money? It just seemed kind of greedy to me. And unnecessary," she says.

And so, her husband adds, "God just made it possible — he opened doors. He allowed us to quit our jobs, and we just moved, and here we are."

Now they are in Orlando, in a rented house, passing out tracts and reading the bible. Their daughter is 2 years old, and their second child is due in June. Joel says they're spending the last of their savings. They don't see a need for one more dollar.

"You know, you think about retirement and stuff like that," he says. "What's the point of having some money just sitting there?"

"We budgeted everything so that, on May 21, we won't have anything left," Adrienne adds.

Nothing, except for the fervent hope that all of them will be raptured.

The Haddad children of Middletown, Md., have a lot on their minds: school projects, SATs, weekend parties. And parents who believe the earth will begin to self-destruct on Saturday.

The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to "sound the trumpet" on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college.

Last weekend, the family traveled to New York, the parents dragging their reluctant children through a Manhattan street fair in a final effort to spread the word.

"My mom has told me directly that I'm not going to get into heaven," Grace Haddad, 16, said. "At first it was really upsetting, but it's what she honestly believes."

Thousands of people around the country have spent the last few days taking to the streets and saying final goodbyes before Saturday, judgment day, when they expect to be absorbed into heaven in a process known as the rapture. Nonbelievers, they hold, will be left behind to perish along with the world over the next five months.

Well, it's the fundies that will perish now, starve to death, as they deserve, one might say. Or one might blame Camping for fueling their delusions.

While Ms. Haddad Carson has quit her job, her husband still works as an engineer for the federal Energy Department. But the children worry that there may not be enough money for college. They also have typical teenage angst — embarrassing parents — only amplified.

"People look at my family and think I'm like that," said Joseph, their 14-year-old, as his parents walked through the street fair on Ninth Avenue, giving out Bibles. "I keep my friends as far away from them as possible."

"I don't really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore," he said, "because my main support line, my parents, don't care."

His mother said she accepted that believers "lose friends and you lose family members in the process."

"For those who were invested in this prediction, their world did end Saturday," said Rev. Jeremy Nickel, the minister at Fremont's Mission Peak Unitarian Universalist Congregation. "They thought they were going to heaven, and they didn't. They may have donated all their money. They're going to be in a world of hurt."

Billboards guaranteeing the end of the world Saturday were almost as ubiquitous as Starbucks outlets in the Bay Area and the world and just as galvanizing to followers, who donated more than $100 million over the past seven years and drove RVs all over the United States to alert people of the coming rapture. Oakland-based Family Radio, with 66 radio stations across the globe, was uncharacteristically quiet Saturday, its website down.

…

"Here's the takeaway," said Richard Hodill of San Mateo, who staffed the registration table at the atheist convention. "Learn to be a discriminating and critical thinker. Base your life on evidence-based reasoning. Religion exploits people to their detriment."

Others had risked a lot more on Camping's prediction, quitting jobs, abandoning relationships, volunteering months of their time to spread the word. Matt Tuter, the longtime producer of Camping's radio and television call-in show, said Saturday that he expected there to be "a lot of angry people" as reality proved Camping wrong.

Tuter said Family Radio's AM station in Sacramento had been "severely vandalized" Friday night or Saturday morning, with air conditioning units yanked out and $25,000 worth of copper stripped from the equipment. He thinks it must have been an angry listener. He was off Saturday but planned to drive past the headquarters "and make sure nothing's burning."

The retired MTA engineer poured his life savings — $140,000 — into an NYC Transit ad campaign. The signs reads: "Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever! Judgment Day May 21, 2011" and is now plastered on bus kiosks and subway cars all over the city.

Because of those delusions, people quit jobs, wasted their last money, and what is worst, ruined their kids' social lives. It has been asked, "What should Camping do now?" In my opinion, he should do like Varus did and fall on his own sword. Suicide is the best option for him. Well, he's 89 years old and ugly like 110, so he'll probably be dead soon, anyway.

Why is it actually that the government can regulate interior designers, but not false prophets? The Second Amendment has been regulated well nigh out of existence, so the First Amendment could bear some regulating, too. After all, human sacrifice and (falsely) shouting "Fire!" in a crowded theater is already banned, in spite of free religion and free speech.

There's all kinds of regulations of Wall Street, presumably to protect investors, but fundies may prey on the gullible at will. And why is it that gambling is banned or regulated, because people cannot make their own decisions about betting all their money on 13 black, but they may spend their life savings on fundie nonsense? Gambling would give them better odds.

At the very least, Camping should be forced to give all his money to indemnifying his credulous, faithful (a tautology, of course) victims. Then again, it's hard to commiserate if (fundie) scum is exploited by worse (fundie) scum. I'm just sorry for the kids.

So beware of false prophets. Hint: They all are.

If those people had donated their money to science instead of religion, maybe a cure for aging would have been found, eliminating people's need for the crutch of religion.

PS: Being left behind rocks!

PPS: Did you know that Camping was originally from England and was born Harold Tenting-Ground?

Calling All Fundies

So have you been raptured? And if yes, from where are you writing?

Rapture 2.0

Hey, fundies, don't you know that the rapture already happened? You just weren't in on the fun.

If you weren't raptured on September 6, 1994, that means god hates you. You will die and be eaten by worms instead of playing the eternal harp in heaven. Because god hates fundies.

From Hammerspace with Love

Poor Newt Gingrich. He tries to please everybody and everybody hates him.

"I believe that creation as an act of faith is true and I believe that science as a mechanical process is true," Gingrich said at an afternoon session that preceded a more formal address. "Both can be true. I don't think there is necessarily a conflict between the two."

Now both the mystics and the scientists hate him.

"When he talks about god in government, then I believe if he's a godly man he should say that 'I believe god created the heavens and earth because that's in the bible.' "

For the fundies, he's not godly enough and likes the ladies too much. (I feel your pain, Newt.) For the liberals, he's not gay enough full of hate and likes the ladies too much.

Apparently, when you end up caught between all stools, the heavens hammerspace opens and showers you with glitter. Nice.

These Boots Are Made for Vegas?

Web page segment to edit: "Shop hoes"

Must have been meant to read: "Shop shoes"

Must have been embarrassing for certain conservatives if they happened to surf to that page.

"Willard Mitten Romney! So you're picking up hookers from the internet now?!"

"I swear, my dear, I was just trying to buy you a pair of shoes for your birthday."

"How stupid do you think I am? I'm leaving you! I'm getting a divorce!"

(Darn freaking interweb. Worse than gambling. I try it once, and my marriage is down the drain. Need to get those intertubes banned ASAP.)

"And don't think you'll ever be president! Don't even think you'll have a chance at any career in politics when this is over!"

(Must get this hell spawn banned now.)

Jefferson's Oath of Allegiance

America being overrun with fundies trying to turn it into a Christian country and a federal government that can persecute anyone for anything, what would Thomas Jefferson's pledge of allegiance look like today, if the statists who invented pledges of allegiance to indoctrinate children to obey the state could make him swear? Maybe like this:

I swear eternal hostility against the flag of the United States of America, and against the republic for which it stands, one nation under god, indivisible, with liberty and justice for none.

So what to do? Maybe this:

Don't vote. It just encourages the bastards. If voting could change the system, it would be against the law.

Then again, if not voting could change the system, it would be against the law. (For what it is worth, it actually is, in Australia. I bet you never knew Australia is a totalitarian state?)

So if you vote anyway, at least vote in anger. Against the Coke party and the Pepsi party.

Meanwhile, Back in the Cave…

Franny Armstrong's YouTube broadcast from the cave next to Osama Bin Laden's was a resounding success… Unfortunately for her, it was a success for the libertarian/capitalist/consumerist/"carbon"-producing camp…

Maybe Detroit should build her a monument.

11oss: The adverts showing people who disagree with her being blown up have convinced me to go and buy a V8. Her carbon footprint is ok because she is important than me. Nice

Nikopolis1912: After seeing this video, I must go and turn on a few lights, run an empty washing machine, leave the car idling in the drive and have a bonfire just for the hell of it.

WanderingRover: Dear Franny and 1010global…

Maybe killing innocent men, women, and children in the name of environmentalism seems like dark, edgy humor to you, but I think you should consider that you're running a global initiative, and some of the countries you list on your home page are the kinds of places where in living memory innocent men, women, and children really were murdered by smug, repulsive bastards to serve somebody else's great cause.

In closing, fuck you. And this time I mean what I'm saying.

reddycelt: Boycott Sony, the source of money behind these fuckwits. They should be shot.

libertopian: These freaks need to be stopped.

kisemuk: After seeing this I have just turned on my air conditioner and an extra heater. Tomorrow I am going to chop down a tree before heading off to buy some giant spotlights, I need to increase my carbon footprint.

escobari: I'm going to breathe and fart 10% more

blogegog: It's going to be difficult to raise my carbon footprint by 10%, but I'm going to try. We've ALL got to try, people. If we don't, the world will become filled with hippie vegetarians like this lady. This cannot happen.

tmack62: Wow! This really is her religion. No wonder she doesn't need to really look at the evidence and use logic. She operates on faith driven by a need to give her life meaning.

mntccd: Imagine having to spend five minutes with this woman. The crazy, it burns.

Her hatred of normal people is palpable.

4wdweather: 10:10 can never be taken seriously again — you're history

nosehair515: maybe if she was prettier guys would like her and she wouldn't feel the need to arrogantly talk about not true things

RachelBartlett: I am so tempted to flag this braindead ecofascist propaganda as promoting genocide and crimes against humanity.

WeAreTheBritish: I am personally going to RAISE my carbon emissions by a minimum of 10% and I urge everyone to do the same

equinoxranch: Embrace Totalitarianism.

10% leads to 20% which leads to 30% which leads to 40% which leads to.............. your heretofore normal life controlled by these dictatorial nut jobs.

Meanwhile, the public-spirited campaign to raise "carbon" emissions by ten percent is gathering steam around the globe:

disco!!!!: what the fk was that

the temperature of my urine has hit somewhere near boiling point

so instead of purchasing a small economic diesel for a winter run around I'm going to hunt for some sort of luxo barge with a minimum of a v8 strapped to the front of it

I'll do my 10% you fking pricks

Xaero: I thought it was a joke at first. Are the people in it supporting the campaign to stop climate change or taking the piss out of green ecomentalists?

As it turns out it was real... I'm a bit shocked. I mean they kill school children to get their point across : | With an explosive set inside them. Isn't that worse than Hitler?

I didn't mind "doing my bit" before, although I wouldn't take too kindly to be told I have to hit a target when it comes to cutting emission. The fact they are happy to kill people for disagreeing, makes me want to burn all the world's fuel by flying a Concorde around the planet until it's all gone.

hornet: They've actually made Osama Bin Laden seem rational. That's rather special.

If found that if I want to fly a 707, I have to either fly to Libya or Romania or ask John Travolta for a ride. Hmm… I guess I'll go with Travolta.

During the flight, he can tell me all about scientology. Can't be worse than environmentalism.

Long Live the Sinner

There's an excellent article in The Atlasphere: "Long Live the Objectivist."

Love the Dylan Thomas line.

Well, I've been thinking it's funny that religionists would be sad at funerals.

Unless they secretly believe the deceased has gone to hell. Which wouldn't exactly be a compliment. Or wait, it rather would, given their morality, that they believe you go to hell for all the good things in life.

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners are much more fun…"

—Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young"



But if they truly believe the deceased has gone to heaven, why aren't they happy for him? The only reason to be sad would be that they miss him. And wouldn't that be terribly selfish by their standards? If they really believe in a life after death, they should turn every funeral into a party.

"If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go."

— Mark Twain

Meet Gaylord Rat Zinger

Come to think of it, why is the catholic church so homophobic? It's after all the gayest of all churches.

Nuns have to be celibate because they are married to Jesus. Monks and priests have to be celibate, too, presumably for the same reason. Thus, monks and priests are married to Jesus.

QED.

Hypocrites.

Tiger Woods Shouldn't Prostitute Himself

Much fundie hay has been made of the fact that Tiger Woods may lose a couple million dollars' worth of sponsors on account of his pick up artistry. Say he loses $10,000,000 from corporate sponsors that want to hawk their shit to fundies and thus sponsor only boring people.

At least, unlike the fundies who mortify their desires just to please their god and neighbors, he isn't a prostitute. I guess fundies only think of the first definition if they think about prostitutes (if you can call it thinking what they do):

prostitute
n.
1. One who solicits and accepts payment for sex acts.
2. One who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose.
tr.v. prostituted, prostituting, prostitutes
1. To offer (oneself or another) for sexual hire.
2. To sell (oneself or one's talent, for example) for an unworthy purpose.

The funny thing is, Woods prostitutes himself if he refuses to have sex with those women, to please his sponsors. If Woods values picking up a lot of chicks more highly than $10,000,000, and he rather takes the money than the value he really wants, he prostitutes himself.

Go, Tiger!

Fundie Girl

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Introducing Club Alex

Tonight I launch Club Alex, my secret stash, the ninth circle of hell where I post stuff so enlightened and true that it would be too outrageous and offensive to say in public while the world is barely out of the Dark Ages. Any fundies and fascists that read it will immediately be struck dead by the lightning of an apoplectic fit. The sort of stuff that makes the peasant mob reach for their torches and pitchforks and go try storm the castle of the bloodthirsty, virgin-debauching count.

In addition, there may be sneak previews of scenes that I for obvious reasons don't want to post in public and stuff.

Membership is first come, first served. The first hundred human beings (bots need not apply) who write me an email with "Club Alex" in the subject line are in. If you can't find my email on this site, you fail the admission test.

Blogger restricts private blogs to exactly one hundred readers. Once the big one oh oh is hit, no one else can get in before some closet fundie or closet fascist quits in disgust and/or someone dies.

The Facts in the Case of M. Polanski: Check Your Premises

What does Roman Polanski have in common with Ayn Rand?

Both managed to infuriate both the moon bats and the wing nuts. And good.

Then again, Ayn Rand allegedly said, "All sex is Rape." So maybe Polanski should have fucked Rand instead, though of course that wouldn't have worked for him, as like most men he prefers young women over old ones.

Speaking of Ayn Rand, another gem of a comment on the Polanski case went about like this: If the girl had sex before, she was being abused before just like Polanski abused her.

This is a perfect example of a faith-based versus a reality-based approach.

Any reasonable person would at this point stop to check their premises, as Ayn Rand called it, to process the new evidence provided by reality. If the girl had sex twice before, maybe that is evidence that it's perfectly natural and normal for teenagers to have sex? Most of the time with other teenagers, but sometimes even with older people?

But faith does ordain: Sex is evil. Children are innocent. Teenagers are children. Ergo, teenagers don't have sex. If they do, they're being abused by evil deviants.

If it is shown that most all teenagers are having sex, I guess we'll have to lock up those little perverts and throw away the key. Maybe we'll actually have to release the weed smokers to make room in prisons.

And I'm sure you'll agree that those evil pedophiles that sleep with a girl shortly before her eighteenth birthday magically transforms her from a child into an adult should be locked into their very special maximum security prison. What's a real pedophile against an evil deviant possessing so little self-discipline that he flouts the people's law instead of waiting another week?

What's in a Word, Feminazi?

Now, I understand that some morons might object to my (or anyone else's) use of the word feminazi. (And you probably don't appreciate being called morons, do you, morons?) So listen good, morons.

Different people use the same word differently. For example, that fundie fascist moron Rush Limbaugh uses the word feminazi to disparage those heroic women who fight for their right to have an abortion. Now, there are many moronic right wing nuts, but Limbaugh takes the cake.

At times he is a source of some primitive but fun humor, though. Like Club Gitmo. It's fun, because in a way he's right — the terrorists there weren't punished nearly severely enough. On the other hand, it's simplistic, because there were and are many innocent people imprisoned there.

And then he spouts all that fundie shit while he himself is addicted to painkillers. So you'd think he'd cut other "sinners" some slack. There's a simple diagnosis for his condition: It's called galactically stupid.

But doesn't Limbaugh keep spouting Ayn Rand quotes?

Well, that's best answered with a scene from A Fish Called Wanda:



Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?

Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.

Wanda: Yes, they do, Otto. They just don't understand it.

Everybody's favorite encyclopedic writers' collective notes:

In an interview, Gloria Steinem characterized Limbaugh's use of the term "feminazi" as ironic since feminists and other political dissenters were among the victims of Nazi concentration camps and Nazi work camps. According to Steinem, "Hitler came to power against the strong feminist movement in Germany, padlocked the family planning clinics, and declared abortion a crime against the state — all views that more closely resemble Rush Limbaugh's. In her book Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, Steinem elaborates on the repression of feminism under Hitler, noting that many prominent German feminists like Helene Stöcker, Trude Weiss-Rosmarin and Clara Zetkin were forced to flee Nazi Germany while others were killed in concentration camps.

Now, a feminazi is not the same animal as a feminist. A feminist is a person who knows that women have the same rights as men. A feminazi, on the other hand, is the very antithesis of a feminist. A feminazi is a person that hates men and sex, that believes that women should have all rights and men none at all.

Observe (to use one of Ayn Rand's favorite words) that I said person, not woman. There can be, at least in theory, male feminazis, as people are able to hate themselves.

But even if the nazi German nazis persecuted feminazis along with feminists, that doesn't make it illogical to call feminazis feminazis. Like all criminals, like the commies, the nazis had plenty of infighting. Just that someone was persecuted by the nazis is no guarantee that he or she was a not a nazi before or even was a nice person.

Likewise, the nazis rounded up and executed plenty of commies. That does not mean that those commies were less evil criminals with less vile plans than the nazis.

Commies and nazis are merely two competing gangs of thugs. In the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, Al Capone had some competition executed. That doesn't make the competition nice folks.

Under communism, all property is "owned" by the state. Under fascism, property is nominally owned by the individual, but de facto controlled by the state. The alleged beneficiary of communism is a collective called "the working class" — or to make it sound a little more inclusive, "the people." The alleged beneficiary of fascism is a collective called "the race" — or to make it sound a little more inclusive, "the nation." The true beneficiary of communism is the politburo. The true beneficiary of fascism is the fuehrer and his cronies.

Nazis, commies, mobsters, and feminazis are all evil, because they all have one thing in common: They use force, or make their government use force on their behalf, against innocent people.

Now I suppose I could call feminazis femicommies, 'cause they're a little closer to commies than to nazis in their politics. But though I like coining new words, I don't feel like it in this case. Femicommie just doesn't sound as good.

Besides, as I said, the differences between commies and nazis are slight. If you look at the Nolan Chart, you'll find that the traditional political spectrum with the commies as the diametrical opposite of the fascists is a lot of bullshit. Imagine it more like a clock, if that helps, with libertarians at the top at twelve o'clock, liberals on the left at nine o'clock, conservatives on the right at three o'clock, and at the bottom commies at 6:01 and nazis right next to them at 5:59.

So feminists are not like nazis, but feminazis are. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, feminazis.

The Feminazi Talks

I had hoped to stay aloof from the David Letterman vs. the monoamorous fundie zombies farce, but as I have to write on another fundie/feminazi victim, Roman Polanski, here goes.

"As 'the boss,' he [Letterman, or presumably any man] is responsible for setting the tone for his entire workplace — and he did that with sex. In any work environment, this places all employees — including employees who happen to be women — in an awkward, confusing and demoralizing situation."

— ugly feminazi

Among reasonable people, a work environment where you can have sex with your boss would be considered relaxed, enlightened, and fun. That of course presupposes that you don't regard sex as evil, don't regard work as a joyless "professional" drudgery, and don't regard your "boss" as a ruler and an enemy, but as an equal associate, a customer.

The funny thing is that the feminazi position is equally informed by wing nut and moon bat insanity. (So Reason and Liberty Central is practically killing two bats with one article here.)

The "sex as evil" theme of course originates with the right-wing fundies, though the commies sure have their own version of the anti-sex league. Both agree that work is a dutiful drudgery, either to sacrifice yourself to god or to the mob. The "boss as evil" theme is obviously the commies' stock in trade, though needless to say the conservative authoritarian fundie fascists likewise want your boss to be an authority figure to be obeyed, not a buddy to be fucked.

As that old bat sicked her Doberperson on brought up Roman Polanski, a joke from Chinatown should be perfect to illustrate this point:

So there's this fella who's tired of screwing his wife.

His friend says, "Why not do what the Chinese do?"

So he says, "What do they do?"

His friend says the Chinese they screw for a while. And then they stop and they read a little Confucius and they screw some more and they stop and they smoke some opium and then they go back and screw some more and they stop again and they contemplate the moon or something and it makes it more exciting. So this other guy goes home to screw his wife and after a while he stops and gets up and goes into the other room only he reads Life magazine and he goes back and he screws some more and suddenly says, "Excuse me a second," and he gets up and smokes a cigarette and he goes back and by this time his wife is getting sore as hell.

So he screws some more and then he gets up to look at the moon and his wife says, "What the hell do you think you're doing? You're screwing like a Chinaman."

So basically, reasonable people in a reasonable work environment in a reasonable country would fuck some, work some, fuck some — who said work has to be unfun? Not that I expect fundies or feminazis to get that. After all, it's "fun die" and "nazi."

"Men behaving badly is exactly the problem in this country. It's not a diversion — it's at the core of why women are unequal, why they are kept in second-class citizenship."

— ugly feminazi

"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others."

— George Orwell, Animal Farm.

The only problem is women wanting to be more equal than men. That is, many women want it both ways.

On the one hand, they don't want to be the traditionalist authoritarian fundie fascists' slaves anymore. They don't want to any longer be chained to the triple evils of the KKK — kirk, kids, kitchen. They want a career, meaningful work, an individual purpose in life.

On the other hand, when it suits them, they want the vile traditional morals to go on. They want to get away with being a dinner whore. When they hear their biological clock ticking, they want to capture a man, to make him commit to be their sperm bank, their handyman, and their ATM. And of course they want to force monoamory on men, as some sort of a cheap, quick-fix ersatz self-esteem. "My face may be plain, my hooters may be small, my career may be stalled, but I made my man to fuck just me, of all the women, in all the cities, in all the world, so I must be special." Yuck.

Those women want all the freebies, but none of the duties that come with traditional morality.

Only when those women stop listening to the three evil ps — priests, parents, peers — only when those women stop permitting the three evil ps to turn them into priggish, unfun, joyless, jealous, clingy, mindless, manipulative, parasitic second-handers and fanatic breeders, only when those women start thinking for themselves, as many men do, only then will women be the intellectual, economic, and social equals of men.

[Ugly feminazi] O'Neill linked the Polanski and Letterman controversies to a broader trend that has troubled her in recent years — nasty, gender-based attacks on women in public life, such as Hillary Rodham Clinton, Sarah Palin, Michelle Obama and new Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

"We're living in a time when women who put themselves forward as leaders are subjected to vicious misogynistic attacks — it's very analogous to sexual harassment in the workplace," she said in the interview. "The message to other women is, 'Stay in your place.' "

I'm not sure about Michelle Obama, but the problem with Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Sonia Sotomayor is not that they're women, but that they're fascists. So the message is not, "Stay in your place!" but, "Don't try to run my life by force! Don't tread on me!"

It gets even better worse:

On the ["]job[" You call that delusional activism a job?] for four months, [ugly feminazi] O'Neill has found the work intense — particularly trying to keep up-to-date on how the evolving health care proposals might affect women.

She worries that the eventual plan might lack a public option allowing the government to sell health insurance in competition with private companies, and that such a result would dismay many women.

"It breaks my heart," she said, expressing fears that many progressive women would be so disheartened that they wouldn't vote in 2010 and thus create an opening for "dreadful, anti-women candidates to win."

It breaks my heart, too: If there won't be a fascist "government option," women may vote fewer new fascists into office. The horror!

Feminazis, with the wide availability of game, your stock in trade is in a tailspin. (No, Virginia, you don't have to be in a relationship to have sex.)

With the perfection of the fembot, it will be worthless. So I suggest you start practicing being as low-maintenance as a fembot and developing a unique selling proposition that fembots can't offer, like a lovable personality, or in the future your long walks on the beach will be vibrant.

Sluts of the world (male and female), arise! Smash those fundies! Cast those feminazis down the sewers!

Some Old Man River Perspective

To put things into perspective, even in the Confederate States of Dumbfuckistan it is possible to fight for one's rights as a lesbian without being burned at the stake (yet). That's more than in Iran.

BTW, did you notice that that place in Mississippi is called Wesson? I think… I'm gonna move to Colt.

Anyway, they shouldn't pick on that poor girl so much, or she may turn from a trumpet player into a trumpet shifter. :P