Whither Iceland?

Iceland applied to join the European Union. Given her position in mid-Atlantic, one wonders why she didn't apply for statehood in the United States instead of joining the European slave states?

But then, with Obama in office, there's probably not much of a difference anymore.

A Boy Named Well

Alex extends his heartfelt congratulations and good wishes to the thousands of couples who named their baby son for him last year. (What? Conceited, me?) Anyway, I was considering sending y'all a toaster oven in recognition of your good taste, but then I thought you may not want to have a toaster oven with a baby in your home.

BTW, word is that one poor baby boy goes by the moniker of Bronx Mowgli now. If I ever have a son, I'm gonna name him Staten Island Chuck.

And Her Name Is Bobbie Brown?

(With apologies to Frank Zappa.)

Hey there, people, I'm Sarah Brown
They say I'm the cutest chick in town
My truck is fast, my gun is shiny
I tell all the Brights they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a backwoods school
I'm dressing sharp 'n' I'm acting cool
I got an ice skater here wants to help with my daughter
Let him do all the PR 'n' maybe later he'll wed her

Oh god I am the American Dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
And I'm a handsome sort of a bitch
I'm gonna get that prez job 'n' be a real witch

(Get that prez get that prez get that prez get that prez job)

Black men's liberation
Came creeping all across the nation
I tell you people I was not weighty
When I got fucked by this dyke by the name of Katie
She made a little speech flat,
Aw, she tried to make me say what
She had my brains in a vice, but she left the trap
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots just crap

Oh god I am the American Dream
But now I smell like turkey cream
And I'm a miserable sort of a bitch
Am I an ass or a lady… I don't know which

(I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder)

So I went out 'n' bought me a business suit
I jingle your change, but I'm still kinda cute
I got a job doin' radio promo
And none of the cops can even tell I shot a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into bailout land
I can sell you an hour on the tower of power
Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh god I am the American Dream
With a bible up your butt till it makes you scream
And I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', fuck you, Kate!
Oh god, oh god, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Katie, I'm an intellectual spastic
And my name is Sarah Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down,
"Country first" is sort of brown
Watch me now, I'm goin' down,
And this dame, her shirt is brown
Watch her now, she's goin' down

United Breaks Guitars

Something very much like that happened to me when I flew United from LA to San Francisco some years ago. And that was before those terrorists flew jetliners into buildings. Nowadays I'd probably be arrested and tortured for complaining…

Who's the #1 villain here? The lowlifes on the tarmac that throw musical instruments?

Or their employer, which pays them minimum wage, motivating them to become lowlifes that break passengers' property? Or us passengers, who want the cheapest tickets, making it impossible for airlines to pay more than minimum wage?

Anyway, as long as airlines' service remains as bad, and security fascism as paranoid, I can only say: If you can't afford a private jet, don't fly, unless you absolutely have to. Go by car, or if possible, by train.

Dave Carroll stuck it to the man. So should you!

The Second Coming of Tess McGill

Or, there are barracudas in the typing pool.

In other words, capitalism is a two-way street. (Given the definition, voluntary cooperation to mutual advantage, that should be a no-brainer.)

If your employer screws you over, you screw him in the ass.

At a time when so many companies are laying off workers, slashing wages and benefits, and instituting furloughs, it's not surprising that some employees feel no obligation to be nice when they head out the door, says David Kaplan, management professor for Saint Louis University. "It's understandable," he adds, "because they feel the employer has violated the psychological contract with employees, and they don't feel they owe them anything."

Well, not just the psychological contract (there's such a thing as an oral contract), and they don't.

"If your employer has cut your salary and benefits to where your family is struggling financially, do you owe your employer that two weeks' notice when you leave?"

No, you don't. Your employer has decided that, as the ship is sinking, it's every man for himself, so you don't have to ask before you bail out.

Whether it's giving notice, training your replacement or abiding by noncompete agreements you may have signed, these post-employment niceties that were expected once upon a time are not a given in today's workplace.

"I think it's a function of the economy," says Lewis Maltby, president of the National Workrights Institute. "If your employer has been treating you well, morally you should give as much notice as you can. On the other hand, if your boss is screwing you, you don't want to be nice.

"It's a dog fight out there. No one is playing nice anymore. This is more ethics than law."

Indeed, you're not legally obligated to give notice, unless you have a detailed employment contract that says you have to.

Stick it to the man!

We Don't Need Michael Jackson!

This space was previously wasted by an article agreeing with the fascist swine, Peter King.

It has been shown that everything Pete King says is wrong. Whenever he says something, the opposite is true.

Thus, this article must have been wrong and has been duly removed.

Meet — the Silver Strings!

Meanwhile, over at Unspoken Words, friend Kushal has formed his own band. Enjoy!

The Opposite of Sarah Palin

Did you ever notice that the diametrical opposite of Sarah Palin is parasailing?

Phonetics aside, one is tropical, fun, and modern, and the other is…

Happy Birthday, America — Here's the Present!

Sarah Palin's resignation from an office that gave her the power to initiate the use of "legitimate" force constitutes the best gift America has got in quite some time. A temporary respite from the Palinization of America, from turning the land of the free, the home of the brave, of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, into a Christian Iran.

The bad news is that she may have bailed out to dead cat bounce to an even more formidable looter's office in 2012. The somewhat better, but still ambiguous, news is that the fundie-publicans are down to her, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee.

On the one hand, it's good to see the fundie-publicans crash and burn, to see the fundie idiotocracy isolated, incestuous, and ineffectual. On the other hand, it was the only major party that at least pretended to be against big government.

I'm at a loss, however, how Palin can be considered to sport a "libertarianish theory of government." First, she's incapable of understanding any kind of theory. Second, support for gun rights don't a libertarian make. Paying lip service to small government by slashing the state budget while lobbying for a bridge to nowhere, then lying about it, and defending the bailout (without understanding it) is not a libertarian thing to do.



Governor, I worked with libertarians: I know libertarians; some libertarians are friends of mine. Governor, you're no libertarian (not even libertarianish).

But then, maybe we're in luck and the Palindrome doesn't intend to run for President, after all. Maybe she's just running.

Maybe Putin reared his head and scared the B. Jesus out of her. (Poor girl, doesn't even have an A. Jesus within her.)

From me, in lieu of a present, a link to my favorite Palin video:



Happy birthday, America! Fuck Sarah Palin.

(On second thought, don't. Her hillbilly zoo is already big enough. Too big.)

World Loves US, Obama

Upon the election of The Messiah, the world is back in love with America. After winning over the axis of weasels on his first trip to Eurasia, his most recent visit to that continent even spread love and goodwill as far as the axis of evil. The biggest Fourth of July fireworks were fired, of all places, in North Korea.