Calling All Fascist Pigs: I Opt Out of Government

As I said before, what is the danger of a fire compared with the danger of a government-run firehouse?

An Alaska teenager jumped onto an ice floe, some altruist clowns believed he was in danger and called the government-run fire fascism department, and the latter "rescued" him out of his non-emergency, endangering their heroic "firefighting" lowlifes in the process.

The jackbooted thugs of the fascist US government, or the Palinist Alaska government, which is pretty much one and the same, then proceeded to kidnap him, charge him with the fascists' favorite catchall non-crime of "disorderly conduct," rob him of a sum in excess of $100, and sell him into slavery for fifty hours.

Or, in pig speak:

Poland spent the night in jail and resolved the case the next day. He was sentenced to 10 days in jail with all 10 suspended, 50 hours of community service and fined more than $100.

Fascists of all countries, listen good: I opt out of your racket.

Now, I don't want to steal or murder anyone. And I know that in this concentration camp of a fascist world you won't let me opt out of your drug laws or airport security theater.

But let's make one thing perfectly clear: If I (or anyone else on my behalf) ever call(s) 911 (or any equivalent fascist number) to summon you(r) tax-paid asses for assistance, I'll first ask whether you believe that my emergency is my own fault and you'll want to punish me for it after you "helped me," "rescued me," or "saved me from myself." If the answer is yes, stay the fuck away from me, no matter what the "emergency" is supposed to be.

You stay sitting in your government-funded firehouse and go on playing with your hose. I sure prefer slowly freezing to death on an ice floe over slowly bleeding to death because you fascist pigs shot me when I defended myself against your attempts to "cuff" me.

A statist sheep by the name of Steve comments bleats:

We pay taxes to provide emergency services… the key word there is emergency, not stupidity. By his own admission he made the choice to go floating off on a piece of ice which is dumb. What if you lived in the area and your house caught on fire from an electrical short and the firefighters response time was slowed because this idiot was taking up their time and equipment? He got off lucky with just the night in jail, 50 hours of service, and 100 dollar fine. I would have charged him for the use of time and equipment which I'm sure was more than just 100 bucks.

I mean, if he called for help, by all means bill him. But the article sounded like he neither needed nor wanted help. And in any event, there's no excuse to kidnap him, unless he refuses to pay.

What's next? Will the pigs kidnap all BASE jumpers, because BASE jumping is dangerous, and a BASE jumping accident could tie up a fire engine that then can't go to a house fire?

Oh, I know. I'll set up my own government. I'll waltz up to smokers, smack their cigarettes from their mouths, and then fine them for endangering my health because I had to breathe their smoke in order to help them.

Then, how does this sort of emergency service work out in terms of resources? Whether he wants help or not, you send him a fire engine, which then can't go to a house fire. So to punish him for that, you send a police car, which then can't go to a housebreaking or a murder, or for that matter, to a truly wicked crime like a drug deal or a statutory "rape." Now you've got a fire engine and a police car tied up, Sherlock.

I guess that's just the modern approach to police "work," huh? Never negotiate with terrorists, never give a window breaker a break, or as they put it in GTA: Liberty City Stories, "psychotic violence at the drop of a hat."

Real great work, Sherlock. Before we had the problem of being aggressed against by amateur criminals. Now we have the problem of being aggressed against by professional criminals that even get paid tax money. Real progress.

As I said, I'm making that real easy for you thugs, and I spell it out once over for you illiterates: If I ever get caught on an ice floe or any similar non-emergency of my own making, please ignore me and any pleas from moronic bystander sheeple to help me, and proceed directly to the house fire, house fires being the only excuse for your existence. (And only because the private fire insurance companies, whose responsibility firefighting is, palmed it off on the state in a nineteenth-century corporate welfare maneuver.)

Plus, as for El Presidente Steverino's argument, I'll have to point out that not all electrical fires are created equal. What if the guy with the house fire caused it by replacing a fuse with a hairpin? That would make him about as deserving or undeserving of help as a fool on a floe.

This just to illustrate how stupid the statists' examples usually are. They necessarily are, as there is no good argument for the existence of the state.

Ah, to think of the good old days of the Old West, when the danger that someone could call the government for help was minute.

Trump Pattern Baldness

Trump pattern baldness (also known as reverse mullet or alopecia grandiosa) is a rare cause of hair loss in male humans. It also occurs in chimpanzees and orangutans. In classic Trump pattern baldness, hair is lost in the front, while the hair in the back grows forward to cover the bald patches.

Often, the final result resembles a dead fox plastered to the forehead or a dead cat nailed on top of the crown of the head. This is dubbed "developer's balding." Rarely, the condition may progress to complete delusion.

Pics or Osama Ain't Dead

Carney also said the photograph of bin Laden dead is "gruesome" and "it could be inflammatory" if released.

The White House is mulling whether to make the photo public, but he said officials are concerned about the "sensitivity" of doing so. Carney said there is a discussion internally about the most appropriate way to handle the photo, but "there is not some roiling debate here about this."

Asked if President Barack Obama is involved in the photo discussion, Carney said the president was involved in every aspect of this issue.

I'd like to credit the Obama with executing the other O*ama, but for that the former will have to satisfy my standard of evidence that Osama bin Laden is in fact dead. If there are photos of Osama dead and videos of Osama's death and dumping, I want see them. Sure, they could be faked just like anything could be faked, just like the other O*ama's birth certificate could be faked, but that's my standard of evidence here. Pics or it didn't happen.

Dumping the body into the sea, if there ever was a body in the first place, was a real stupid thing to do, particularly if you're the favorite target of the conspiracy theorists already. It's like a call for tenders to conspiracy theorists. So pics or it didn't happen.

Come on, you can do this, you big wuss. You did it with your birth certificate, after all. If you did in fact have Osama executed, I will credit you with having bigger cojones than the shrub has. But pics or it didn't happen.

Yet Another Reason Obama's Gotta Go

In 2009 a Washington state high school teacher called for the removal of the novel from a school curriculum. The teacher, John Foley, called for replacing The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with a more modern novel. In an opinion column that Foley wrote in the Seattle Post Intelligencer, he states that all "novels that use the 'N-word' repeatedly need to go." He states that teaching the novel is not only unnecessary, but difficult due to the offensive language within the novel with many students becoming uncomfortable at "just hear[ing] the N-word." He views this change as "common sense," with Obama's election into office as a sign that Americans "are ready for a change," and that by removing these books from the reading lists, they would be following this change.

If you have to choose between Huckleberry Finn and Obama, is that even a question? I mean, it's a no-brainer (as in, if you choose Obama, you've got no brain).

If many students become uncomfortable at just hearing the word nigger, they've got an awfully bad teacher. Making kids believe that there are evil words teaches them nothing about rights or about the fact that people have equal rights irrespective of their looks.

It only teaches kids that there are words they must not use, or even just think of, and that those happen to be the words that the black person that occupies the White House probably doesn't like. Big Barrack is watching you.

The Birthers Trumped

Now that Obama finally deigned to release his original birth certificate, it doesn't look so good for the birthers, or for that matter, for my favorite conspiracy theory, that Obama's biological father was not Obama, Sr., but one Frank Marshall Davis . The latter conspiracy theory isn't refuted by the document, though. It just, contrary to the conspiracy theorists' expectations, doesn't show any blood types at all and thus neither proves nor refutes the theory.

We'd need someone who knows the blood types of all involved, or Obama and company would have to submit to DNA tests. But why should they?

An who cares? Obama's communistic enough as it is, and it's not like communism is inherited genetically, as far as I know.

As for the birthers' key claim that Obama was born outside the US, this should be the end of it. He showed the document he was supposed to show, and that's the end of the line.

Only that to the birthers, it won't be. Of course, there's always a chance of forgery. The certificate is a copy from some sort of a ledger, so there's an outside chance that some entries or further pages were cropped/omitted, but from the layout, like the numbering and the position of the signatures, that looks extremely unlikely. Then, for all we know, the whole document could have been made up by the CIA out of whole cloth.

Then again, Obama could be an alien, like Michael Jackson. If he were born at Area 51, would that make him eligible to rule the free?

The only two things you can know with absolute certainty are that you exist and that you are conscious. For anything else, there is less than 100% proof, and anybody can make up nonfalsifiable theories about it.

Who's to say god or the Flying Spaghetti Monster didn't tamper with all archeological evidence to make dinosaurs look millions of years older than the 6,000 years they are, to tempt men to doubt him? Who's to say there is no invisible, disembodied, mute, odorless, tasteless miniature Loch Ness Monster in my closet?

Good that Trump made Obama release it (the birth certificate, not the Loch Ness Monster), though. Obama shouldn't get a free pass just because he's black and can pull the race card whenever he doesn't like something he's got to do. Obama should have to provide the same amount of documentation that McCain would have had to provide for being born in Panama / the Panama Canal Zone / the Panama Canal / whatever.

Looks like Obama was just stubborn, after all.

Quote of the Day

"I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists — that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism — he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles — I just believe in me.' A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus — I'd still have to bum rides off of people."

— Ferris Bueller

Big Sister, You Asked for It!

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Turns out big red sister is a greedy, exploitative, sweatshop operating intellectual slumlord. Arianna Huffington sold her red electronic rag to AOL for $315 million. Now her volunteer bloggers that believed they were working for brother love to advance socialism and not for big red sister's personal profit sue her, possibly under the commies' own Fair Labor Standards Act, which outlaws working for free, or for anything less than minimum wage.

Arianna, you asked for it!

"In my view, the Huffington Post's bloggers have essentially been turned into modern-day slaves on Arianna Huffington's plantation."

Could have told you so, comrades. If only you had enough sense in your empty heads to ask.

After graduation, she moved to London and lived with the journalist and broadcaster Bernard Levin, whom she had met while the two were panelists on the TV show Face the Music. In 1980, because of Levin's refusal to get married, she broke the relationship and moved to the United States. After Levin's death in 2004, she called him "the big love of my life, […] a mentor as a writer, and a role model as a thinker."

Any person that breaks up with their love because the latter refuses to be enslaved is less than scum. I hope you bleed her dry of the last red cent she's got within her.

"We are going to make Arianna Huffington a pariah in the progressive community," Tasini vowed. "No one will blog for her. She'll never [be invited to] speak. We will picket her home. We're going to make it clear that, until you do justice here, your life is going to be a living hell."

Don't worry, Arianna, you big red moon bat. You can always flip-flop back to being a big red state wing nut.

I hear Michelle Munchkin is still looking for interns. Unpaid interns, of course. And you've got to give her an apple a day.

If this ain't enough to be tickled pink, I don't know what is.

"Anybody blogging for the Huffington Post now is a scab," he says. "They're a strike breaker. They're producing content for somebody who is attacking workers."

Sorry, comrade, you make that sound very tempting, but I'm not gonna write for that rag, anyway.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

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The Measure of a Birther

It seems wildly unlikely that the birthers' chief claim, Obama wasn't born in the US, is true. Why would Hawaii issue him a fake certificate of life birth?

Yet there still seems to be something wrong. Why would Obama otherwise be so secretive with his records?

It might be that he's just stubborn, too proud to give in. But why then give in as far as releasing the certificate of life birth?

There might be some other damaging information on his birth certificate, some information that doesn't appear on the certificate of life birth.

Of all the theories I've heard, this one looks like it fits the facts best (HT to Astute Bloggers):

Obama's biological father was not Obama, Sr., but one Frank Marshall Davis.

Evidence:

Obama looks more like Davis than like any of his allegedly biological relatives.

Davis wrote in some sort of an autobiographical novel that he and his wife had a threesome with a fourteen-year-old white girl by the name of Ann. Was that a fictionalized version of Obama's mother, Stanley Anne Dunham, then seventeen years old?

Obama's mother was pregnant when she married his alleged father. Had she been knocked up by some African-American guy and was looking for an African-American fall guy?

Obama's mother left him behind in Hawaii. Maybe she had no problem with that because she knew his real father was there?

Obama's grandfather Stanley Dunham took Obama to visit Davis regularly. Maybe because he knew Davis was Obama's real father?

It would explain why Obama moved to Chicago, Davis' hometown.

Obama had to have some connections to get into Chicago politics. His known relatives didn't have any, but Davis did.

Plus, in case you believe that Obama's Palin-level scribbling amounts to literary skills and that literary skills could be inherited genetically (!), it would even explain where Obama got his — from Davis, the commie "writer."

Obama's birth certificate would list his blood type, and that might disprove his alleged father's paternity.

This, of course, would help the birthers little. It wouldn't make Obama ineligible as the ruler of the US. It would merely show him to be less than forthright and concerned what the right would make out of the fact that he's the son of a notorious Chicago communist.

Would be interesting anyway. Hey, Obama, care to release some documents or submit to a DNA test?

Silverstein's Latest Lawsuit

From The New York Times:

"Silverstein's Latest Lawsuit"

At a time when everything seemed to go on swimmingly at the World Trade Center, the new Tower One rising steadily past the halfway mark, the memorial on track, and an agreement for the other new towers in place, a new round of downtown trouble is afoot. Yesterday, World Trade Center developer Larry Silverstein filed a notice of dispute, sending his troubled partnership with the Port Authority into arbitration once more. Moreover, a source close to Mr. Silverstein's lawyers, Grapsh, Snyder, Renner, said on condition of anonymity that Mr. Silverstein is preparing to file lawsuits against WTC master planner Daniel Libeskind and the World Trade Organization.

The bone of contention is once more the space allocation in the new WTC buildings, but this time with a twist. Mr. Silverstein alleges that he has been defrauded all along by the WTO, the Port Authority, and their master planner.

From the get go, Mr. Silverstein's complaint claims, the Port Authority conspired with the WTO and the architect, Mr. Libeskind, to keep the most profitable office space to itself. "From day one, they had this plan where four buildings wrap around the memorial plaza. And even when people rallied for rebuilding the Twin Towers, they held on to that scheme, come hell or high water," said the Grapsh, Snyder, Renner insider. "There was method to that madness."

The Twin Towers design was fatally flawed, as it kept disparate parties cooped up together, which led to insurmountable conflicts of interest that sunk the original World Trade Center in its intended function as a center of world trade. Consequently, the Twin Towers sat empty for years, until Wall Street firms could be persuaded to move in once other space downtown had filled up.

Conversely, the new World Trade Center will sort tenants by their affluence, with a First World Trade Center for those from developed countries like North America, Europe, and Japan, a Second World Trade Center for those from emerging economies like Russia and China, a Third World Trade Center for those from underdeveloped countries in the Middle East, South Asia, Latin America, and Africa, and a Fourth World Trade Center for those from the least developed countries and for government agencies, like the PA itself, which are notoriously cheap tenants with their tax dollars.

"When Larry couldn't build them all, the PA kept Tower One, the future First World Trade Center, to itself and saddled him with the less prosperous tenants. You might say, how comes a shrewd Manhattan developer like Larry could be kept in the dark like this for ten years, but this is the big league, WTO and international diplomats. He's a babe in arms among those global players," the lawyer said.

"If they didn't plan that from square one, why four towers? Doesn't make sense. Why did they move into Tower Four instead of the taller, more prestigious Tower One, like before? Those PA guys knew exactly what they were doing.

"Why do the towers decrease in height, size, and architectural quality as the building numbers increase? Libeskind designed it that way and refused to budge, no matter how impractical this design turned out to be in all other respects."

"The Twin Towers just didn't work," said Katharina Prilova, who worked in the Twin Towers when she was a foreign trade commissar for Russia. "You'd take the elevator down for lunch, and in the sky lobby some scrawny African would accost you for money."

"Once, I was in the cafeteria and that Polynesian trade commissioner tried to trade me one of his daughters for sweetener," said Jack Springshear, a former US delegate to the WTO. "You've got to understand, not an aristocratic statesman, but some money-grubbing, nouveau riche business type. Those daughters of him must have been fat like whales and straight from the pineapple fields. I'd rather keep my Sweet'n Low, thank you very much."

Faced with conditions like those, the capitalists at the WTO seem to prefer to keep diversity down and different people from different worlds segregated. Unsurprisingly, their promise of a diverse WTC turns out to not be worth the air it was spoken into.

The only inequality Mr. Silverstein seems to care about, however, is that he got saddled with the least prosperous peons. His office refused to comment on pending lawsuits. A spokesperson for the Port Authority didn't return calls, the WTO was closed for a Micronesian holiday, and Mr. Libeskind, according to his assistant, attended a garden gnome conference.