GTA

(With apologies to Lead Belly and Credence Clearwater Revival.)

When I was a little bitty baby

My mama put Rockstar in my cradle,

Oh, the old GTA back home;

It was down in Coral Gables,

Just about a mile from Thompson's stables,

With the old GTA back home.

Oh, when Hillary's pigs come rootin'

You can't do very much shootin',

In the old GTA back home.

It was down in Coral Gables,

Just about a mile from Thompson's stables,

With the old GTA back home.

When I was a little bitty baby

My mama put Rockstar in my cradle,

Oh, the old GTA back home;

It was down in Coral Gables,

Just about a mile from Thompson's stables,

With the old GTA back home.

Oh, when Jack the jackass starts brayin'

You can't do very much slayin',

In the old GTA back home.

It was down in Coral Gables,

Just about a mile from Thompson's stables,

With the old GTA back home.

(Instrumental bridge)

When I was a little bitty baby

My mama put Rockstar in my cradle,

Oh, the old GTA back home;

It was down in Coral Gables,

Just about a mile from Thompson's stables,

With the old GTA back home,

With the old GTA back home.

Your Elephant Repellent Is Inferior, Comrade Warren

"Hey, mister, you better buy a bottle of my Elephant Repellent. If you don't buy it, the elephants will come into the neighborhood and trample you! My proof that this stuff really works is that there are no elephants around here." 

For "Elephant Repellent" substitute the word "government" and for "elephants" substitute the word "crime" or "Russians" or "poverty" or "chaos" or anything else the government claims to prevent. 

Nothing the government claims to prevent cannot be prevented in a more humane, just, and economical manner by free associations of individual people. 

In answer to Comrade Elizabeth Warren:

"There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own, nobody. You built a factory out there, good for you. But I want to be clear, you moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for."

Potholed, congested roads. I'd have gotten better and cheaper roads by paying for them through the free market.

"You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate."

You mean, those functional illiterates government-run schools turn out?

"You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory and hire someone to protect against this because of the work the rest of us did."

Would have gotten much better service at a much a lower price from private security guards and firefighters.

Any service the government pretends to provide can be provided cheaper, better, and more humanely by the free market.

The first complaints I'd file with my security guards would be about those marauding bands that call themselves IRS, ATF, EPA, and DEA, BTW.

You Didn't Build That — Obama Means It

If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you've got a business — you didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen.

Upon the predictable public outrage at Resident Obama's confession of his commitment to collectivism and communism, he backtracked, and the leftist media attempted to whitewash him by claiming that he didn't mean "you didn't build your business," but that he meant "you didn't build roads and bridges," that "that" referred to "roads and bridges." Yet, sane people pointed out that that doesn't make sense, as "roads and bridges" are "those," not "that," and that "that" is immediately preceded by "business," so that this is the most logical referent.

But even if the resident and his socialist enablers plead grammatical illiteracy, it still doesn't make sense. If Obama meant "roads and bridges," what about the teachers and the American system? Does it make sense to single out roads and bridges while ignoring teachers and the whole American system?

Maybe Comrade Obama doesn't mind neglecting the American system, but would a leftist ever snub teachers? They pay him to roll over pork to them, after all.

Now the resident might backtrack again and claim that "that" referred to all of the above — teachers, the American system, and roads and bridges. However, that wouldn't make sense, either. For he said, "you didn't build that." You may build systems and roads and bridges, but you don't build teachers. Schools, but not teachers.

Any way you slice it, it's pretty clear what Obama deep down in his heart really wanted to say. He means it, and he wants to shout it from the highest steeples — while preserving a modicum of plausible deniability.