Monday, February 23, 2009

Quote of the Day

"While you're out there smashing the state, don't forget to keep a smile on your lips and a song in your heart!"

— Phineas T. Freakears

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Irony…

Today, Obama announced his plans for Iran: In all government records, the a in "Iran" will be changed into an o. Then Obama will auction off the mineral rights and use the proceeds to pay down the national debt.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Change You Can Believe In

Today, Congress Critter Nancy Pelousy introduced legislation to replace the ailing dollar with a new currency that will express hope and change: the obama. (One obama = 100 clintons.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Go, Girls, All the Way!

Obviously, America has no monopoly on fundie insanity:

" 'Loose' Women Launch Pink Panty Protest"

Apparently, Indian fundies still believe that women are for cooking and beating up, not for picking up. The Dark Ages… The Dark Ages…

But here's the revenge of the playettes:

Consortium of Pub-Going, Loose, and Forward Women

Now, that's one meeting I'd like to attend. If they have meetings in real life.

But then, there probably aren't too many blondes in India. Does anybody know of a lair of blond playettes? Please drop me a line.

Anyway, more power to you, girls.

Sheriff Grayson Rides Again

Authorities in the South Carolina county where Michael Phelps was photographed smoking from a marijuana pipe have been arresting people…

[Defense attorney] McCulloch said [:] "It seems to me that Richland County has a host of its own crime problems much more serious than a kid featured in a photograph with a bong in his hand."

[Sheriff] Lott has said Phelps should not get a break because of his fame. [Defense attorney] Harpootlian said that he believes police are being overzealous.

"I find it amazing the justification is they don't want to treat him any differently just because he is a celebrity, and he is being treated far differently than any other Joe Blow who might have smoked marijuana four or five months ago."

Apparently, the South Carolina "justice" system was accurately portrayed in There's Something About Mary?

Actually, life is stranger than fiction here, as the jackbooted thugs in There's Something About Mary were investigating a real murder, and not just some cottaging, as Ted thought. But in real life South Carolina, that murderous hitchhiker would have gotten away scot-free, as real life cops there are busy prosecuting victimless crimes.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Shuster and Pataki on the Corrupt Libescheme

David Shuster puts George Elmer Fudd Pataki on the spot re Lauder and Libeskind.

The point Pataki and the other Libeskind / Fraud'em Tower shills don't seem to get or don't want to get is that neither Fraud'em Tower nor the Libeskind scheme as a whole is a soaring memorial, as they would have us believe. Every building in the Libescheme is less than what one of the destroyed towers was.

Tip height
Roof height
Office floors
Square ft

Tip height
Roof height
Office floors
Square ft

Old 1 WTC
1,728 ft
1,368 ft

Old 2 WTC
1,377 ft
1,362 ft

1,776 ft
1,362 ft
82 to 108

New 2 WTC
1,350 ft
1,270 ft

The only thing in any of the Libescheme buildings that exceeds the old WTC is the spire atop Fraud'em Tower, which beats the communications tower of the old One WTC by all of 48 feet.

Replacing an engineering triumph with a bunch of random office buildings is not a soaring memorial, is not reclaiming the skyline, and is not a good idea.

What part of "Excelsior!" don't you get, Elmer?

Two Klansmen and One Hypocrisy

The latest from Xenophobia Wing Nut Central:

"H1B Visa Holder Attempted Fannie Mae Sabotage — Where's the Outrage?"

Well, Klux-boy, there is none. Why should there be any? (BTW, where's your funny hood?)

A citizen of India, Rajendrasinh B. Makwana [,] attempted to sabotage the computer database at Fannie Mae. He was, according to news reports, employed as a so-called temporary foreign worker who had been authorized to work in the United States temporarily under the provisions of the H1B visa that had been issued to him.

"But there is no way of knowing much about any of these folks, and that immediately becomes a homeland-security issue."

Hey, you red-blooded — but not so red-skinned — American, does the word "punctuation" mean anything to you? (Omitting that comma only makes sense if you're fascist enough to imply it was his Indian citizenship that drove that guy to mess with the data.) I bet the average Indian (both the Oriental and the Native American variety) knows more about grammar than you.

But I digress. At least now I get your point, General Forrest.

Of course there are no criminals in America. All crimes are committed by immigrants, particularly by those who come from countries where most people aren't as white as you and your robe. Of course any native-born American can be trusted implicitly, and in the unlikely event he can't, the CIA got files on every American, so an instant background check is a snap, right?

"…my head felt as though it was going to explode!"

Why don't you wear your funny hood then? You don't want to spoil the furniture with your red American blood (not that there would be any cerebral matter), do you?

"I have yet another reason not to go to sleep this evening."

Right. You have to go find your funny hood.

"In reality, people who process our food are working in an industry that has major national security implications. Imagine how much damage a terrorist or a group of terrorists could do by poisoning food that is distributed around the United States to thousands, if not millions, of people."

Was that before or after the Jews poisoned your wells?

And right there on that junk site there's an ad that reads "conservative and right." Reading this article, it looks like the only combination there is is "conservative and dumb."

"No company that receives taxpayer bailout money should be able to hire foreign workers unless they can truly prove that there are no Americans who can do those jobs."

America for the Americans. Did the thought ever enter your lone brain cell that a job ought to go to the person best qualified, not to the person who happened to be born in a certain spot on the globe by accident?

Where did your ancestors come from, Klux-boy? Did they come across the Bering Strait, on the Mayflower, or even later? Mankind originated in Africa, and every human being who isn't an African living in Africa is an immigrant or a child of immigrants.

Ever heard:

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Given the fact that America was built by immigrants, your article is as un-American as it gets. The fact that any immigrants are still coming in spite of fascists like you is a compliment to the things that are good in America.

This toilet paper of an article is collectivism at its ugliest. Burned a cross lately?

Monday, February 02, 2009

Groundhog Day

I've seen my shadow and am back in my burrow. That means six more weeks of winter for you.

So much for global warming.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

A Do to Remember

Make no mistake, I don't like that man. But I have got to hand it to Blagojevich, he has got great hair.

"I think he felt a certain kind of immunity," Ambers said. "It's part of the grandiosity — 'They are not going to be able to punish me because I'm above the law, I'm smarter, I will outfox them.' "

Not so. It's more like a Dogbertian "I'm so cute, no jury will convict me" thing.

If Blagojevich gets acquitted, it'll be on account of his hair. If he gets convicted, it'll be in spite of his hair. If The Donald had done what Blago is being accused of, he'd already be on death row by now.

Then, of course, charity begins at home, so when Blago pays one last wistful visit to the State of Illinois Center, he may want to try being a good neighbor, walk over to the new Trump Tower, and if its owner's in, donate some locks. Sharing will no doubt ease his conscience and make him feel better.

It's a win-win situation. And it sure beats that dead cat.

In other words:

There once was a man from Chicago:
We'll not name him, just call him Blago.
Thought: I'll just play the machine —
It's an easy crime routine:
The voter's as dumb as a Dago!

Thought: My hair is my greatest asset;
If caught in office, on I'll pass it.
A jury may get picked,
But it will not convict,
For I am as cute as a basset!