Monday, September 28, 2009

Interview with the Vampire, Frank Walter Steinmeier

Speaking of foreign ministers, the loser of the German election for village idiot, outgoing (in the bad sense) foreign minister Frank Walter Steinmeier, graciously granted Reason and Liberty Central an audience in the palace of the dictatorship of the people in Berlin, capital of fascism.

RLC: Given that emasculating election result, do you feel discriminated against? Do you think that the people voted you out on account of your name, Herr Swinemeier? Did you ever consider changing your name?

Steinmeier: Excuse me. My name isn't Swinemeier. It's Steinmeier.

RLC: Oh, you already changed it?

Steinmeier: No. I didn't change anything. I've never been called Swinemeier.

RLC: Really? Did you ever consider changing your name into Swinemeier? It might be good luck. The people might even elect you village idiot in four years.

Steinmeier: &?%$!*$$!!

RLC: That was really uncalled for, Herr Swinemeier. There's no need for such language. Though of course one can forgive a lot to a man whose own parents named him Wank Wanker.

Steinmeier: Gaaa!

The doctors' consensus is that Mr. Swinemeier may be released from his padded cell in time to run in the next election for village idiot, though he may have to keep wearing his straitjacket.

Reason and Liberty Central intends to interview more politicians.

Fundies, Meet the Big Gay Foreign Minister!

Traditionally, the head of the smaller party in a German coalition government gets appointed foreign minister. That happens to be Guido Westerwelle, who happens to be gay.

If he has to travel to Iran, that's gonna be big fun. Either the Iranian fundies tolerate a homosexual debauching their holy land instead of murdering him like all their own gayety, or they do murder him. Then it'll be interesting to see if those kraut cowards go to war with Iran over a dead gay politician.

What would be the politically correct thing? What will win out, pacifism or gay rights? (One hopes, gay rights.)

Krauts Getting Collective Head from Ass?

Wonders never cease. Yesterday, the krauts elected their new village idiot, and the libertarianish Free Democratic Party (try this for an oxymoron) walked away with 14.6 percent of the popular vote, the best result ever. True, they will have to govern together with the most popular party, the looters, fascists, and mystics of the Christian Democrats, who suckered 33.8 percent.

The left looters, however, split into the once powerful Socialist Democrat Party and the openly communist and loony Left party, remain in disarray. The Socialist Democrats have to deal with their worst performance in history, 23 percent. Thus, this mainstream populist looters' party is left just a few percentage points ahead of a "fringe, capitalists', rich people's" libertarianish party.

One wonders whether those stupid krauts finally managed to pull their collectivist, collective head out of their fucking ass and are beginning to understand that their national character, collectivism and socialism, is evil, or whether they were simply fed up with the concrete politics of the outgoing coalition government of looters left and right.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Some Words from Our Faithless Sponsors

And now even Reason and Liberty Central has to make a commercial break…

I particularly like #3… And did you notice that the happy chick in #7 is a blonde?

America without Atheists Is like…

Imagine that fundie scum could have its way…

America without atheists is like a Christian Iran. Iran got everything America got — natural resources, fundies, plenty of morons — but one thing: religious liberty, i.e. freedom from religion.

Go ahead, fundie scum, and make my day. If you succeed, Jesusland will be a filthy third-world backwater without even the technological capabilities to build its own nukes or jetfighters. Realistan will kick your ass.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Equalizer Shoots Back

To celebrate John Stossel's move from ABC to Fox and his own show, my favorite Stossel segment.

Who knows, that might be just the way for Fox to find some friends, after all. :P

Monday, September 14, 2009

Obama Care Kills

Ever wondered what socialized medicine would look like? If the disasters in Limeystan and Canuckistan aren't enough, there was one country that totally socialized medicine: the Soviet Union. Here's what it looked like:

Peed skills. Skeed pills. Speed kills. And so does Obama Care.

Please, Obama, stop caring. It hurts less.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Colonel Sanders Won't Be Amused

Alex is pleased to announce that he came up with the new advertising slogan for one of America's proudest products: "W Ketchup — It's pretzel chokin' good!"