The Battle Hymn of the God Emperor

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the idiots where the democrats are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the pictures of a myriad memic clone,
They have builded Him an altar in The Donald Reddit zone;
I can read His righteous sentence on a dim and flick'ring phone:
His day is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His day is marching on.

I have read his fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my tweets shall deal";
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the leftoids with His heel,
Since Trump is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Since Trump is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be quick to like His tweet!
Our God is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies Trump was born across the lea,
With a courage in His bosom that transfigures you and me.
Like He lives to drive cucks crazy, let us live to make men free,
While Trump is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
While Trump is marching on.

He is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
He is Sanction to producers, He is Succor to the brave,
So Europe shall be His footstool, Angela Merkel His slave,
Our God is marching on.

(Chorus)
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Our God is marching on!

Happy Birthday, God Emperor Donald J. Trump!

"I can't spare this man — he fights."

— Abraham Lincoln

Happy Flag Day, one and all!

Praise Kek!

Shadilay, my friends!

Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood went visiting her grandmother. So Little Red Riding Hood put on her little red riding hood and set out on a dangerous hike on the winding paths under the gloomy canopy of trees, where the wilding wolves had taken many a jogger. Finally, after a perilous journey past the tree huggers, hippies, bums, junkies, and perverts of the forest, she emerged on Central Park West.

When she got to the tiny cottage at the end of the limestone canyon where her grandmother lived, she knocked at the door. "Granny, Granny, are you home? I brought you your favorite rugelach!"

But when the door creaked open, it wasn't her grandmother opening it, but a handsome, charming prince with a head of luxuriant blond hair, much like a golden pussycat.

"Why, what orange skin you have!" exclaimed Little Red Riding Hood in wonder.

"The better to stain you with!" the prince growled.

"What tiny, deep-set eyes, framed by pale circles, like a negative image of the raccoons in the woods, or a highwayman's mask, you have!"

"The better to ogle you with!"

"What short, vulgar fingers you have!"

"The better to grope you with!"

"What shiny big hair you have!"

"The better to seduce you with!"

"Uh, is my Granny home, sir?" Little Red Riding Hood timidly changed the subject.

"No, she very, very, very much isn't! And you'll really, really never see her again, you little red anchor baby! I deported your huge illegal alien grandmother to her ancestral homeland! Sad. Will you marry me, you huge little hater and loser?" the prince boldly changed the subject. "It's going to be amazing. Believe me."

"But why would I marry you, you who deported my Granny?" Little Red Riding Hood sobbed.

"Because you're a really, really hot piece of ass under that very, very, very silly little red riding hood, plus I really, really like marrying aliens. Because I'm the God Emperor Donald J. Trump, and I'm very, very, very rich. I'll give you $10,000,000! Because I'll make you great again, like everything I touch! Because I have huge, well-formed hands! Look, having God Emperor Donald J. Trump — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you're a conservative Republican, they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my, like, credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power, and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen, and he was right — who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us. Oh, and otherwise, I'll have to deport you to your ancestral homeland. You'd really, really be a not smart person. Believe me. Sad."

By now, Little Red Riding Hood was deeply in love with the God Emperor Donald J. Trump, with his unwarranted self-confidence, his money, his power, his fame, his charm, his wit, his intellect, his handsome good looks, and his beautiful hair, like all women. Plus, he had freed her from her really, really not good, nasty, horrible, fat, old illegal alien grandmother with the face of a dog (who used to bleed from every possible orifice in her younger days).

And they lived happily ever after, if he didn't leave her for a younger woman. Sad.

A Fairytale of New York