Cock Island Line

Now, this here's a story about the Cock Island Line 

Well, the Cock Island Line, she runs down into Pussy Town 

There's a big gal gate down there, and you know 

If you got certain things on board when you come to the gal gate 

Well, you ain't gonna get yourself no gal 

Well, a pile driver, he pulled up to the gal gate 

And the gal pouted and asked him what all he had on board, and he said 

I'm a snowflake 

I'm a snowflake 

I got Marx 

I got blacks 

I got masks 

I got rules 

I got all feminist 

Well, she said, you're alright boy, you are gonna get this gal 

You can just go right on through, so he went on through the gal gate 

And as he went through, he started pickin' up a little bit of speed 

Pickin' up a little bit of steam 

He got on through, he turned, and looked up at the gal, he said 

Well, I fooled you 

I fooled you 

I'm a Trump man 

I'm a Trump man 

I got all MAGA 

Down the Cock Island Line, she's a mighty good road 

Cock Island Line, it's the road to ride 

Cock Island Line, it's a mighty good road 

Well, if you ride it, you got to ride it like you find it 

Get your ticket in a blue state for the Cock Island Line 

Internal Chronology and Status of the Kevin Traynor Stories as of April 2021

Gunpowder Tea (Young Kevin Traynor) (fragment, may be abandoned)

Traynor and his future best friend Nick Parker meet during an adventure in Casablanca.

Torch in the Night (available)

Traynor, Parker, and Jennifer Jordan have to stop a conspiracy to destroy the United States.

Phantom Train (available)

Traynor, Parker, and mining engineer Connie Chandler investigate a phantom train depopulating an Arizona mining town.

Mysterious Boat (available):

The Mystery of the Mysterious Boat

Traynor, Jennifer, and Parker investigate a mysterious boat haunting an old house in Malibu.

The Secret of the Lost Tribe

Traynor and Jennifer encounter Indian ghost riders in New Mexico.

Mystic Triangle (writing)

Traynor, Jennifer, and Parker get involved in an Anarcho-Capitalist revolution.

Kevin Traynor, P.I. (working title):

The Phantom of Broadway (fragment, abandoned due to boring)

Traynor's Broadway theater is haunted by a phantom.

The Case of the Kidnapped O'Connors (available)

Jennifer's Frank O'Connor paintings are stolen from a locked room.

Eighty Million Maniacs (rewriting, editing)

Howard is kidnapped to force Traynor and Jennifer to find a hidden treasure in a medieval town in the land of eighty million maniacs.

Chelsea Cinderella (editing)

During a party, the crown jewels of Nassau-Wittgenstein are stolen from that country's embassy in New York City.

The Riddle of the Ratty Rock Star (fragment, may be postponed to a later book or abandoned)

An unsavory punk rocker is killed in a locked room.

Kevin Traynor and Crypto Queenie (working title):

Time Slip (writing)

Traynor and crypto currency wizard Britt Coyne travel back to the Middle Ages in a castle in Latvia.

Voynich Manuscript (writing)

Traynor, Britt, and Parker follow the clues encoded in the Voynich manuscript to find its treasure in Prague.

La Serenissima (idea, plotting)

Traynor and Britt fly to Venice, Italy, for a romantic getaway; hilarity ensues.