Top Ten Ways to Get Rid of Holiday Callers

Are you sick and tired of getting annoyed by surprise visits from uninvited St. Nicks, like nosy neighbors, self-appointed friends, and clingy exes?

Fear not, Scrooge McAlex got you covered with his top ten ways to caller abort them!

(10) "Do I know you?"

(9) "Did you have a name?"

(8) "Your babysitter just called. She was looking for you, 'cause she can't get junior out of the microwave."

(7) "Try this eggnog I made with the egg I found in the floor vent."

(6) "Sorry, you should have called ahead. I'm busy alphabetically arranging the tree ornaments."

(5) "You look like I feel."

(4) "Come back New Year's Eve, bring a hooker and a bottle of champagne."

(3) "Funny, I just tossed your gift. If you hurry, you can still catch the garbage truck."

(2) "You dare show up with nothing but that?"

And the single best way to get rid of unwanted holiday callers cluttering up your doorway is:

(1) *Slam!*