Calling All Fascist Pigs: I Opt Out of Government

As I said before, what is the danger of a fire compared with the danger of a government-run firehouse?

An Alaska teenager jumped onto an ice floe, some altruist clowns believed he was in danger and called the government-run fire fascism department, and the latter "rescued" him out of his non-emergency, endangering their heroic "firefighting" lowlifes in the process.

The jackbooted thugs of the fascist US government, or the Palinist Alaska government, which is pretty much one and the same, then proceeded to kidnap him, charge him with the fascists' favorite catchall non-crime of "disorderly conduct," rob him of a sum in excess of $100, and sell him into slavery for fifty hours.

Or, in pig speak:

Poland spent the night in jail and resolved the case the next day. He was sentenced to 10 days in jail with all 10 suspended, 50 hours of community service and fined more than $100.

Fascists of all countries, listen good: I opt out of your racket.

Now, I don't want to steal or murder anyone. And I know that in this concentration camp of a fascist world you won't let me opt out of your drug laws or airport security theater.

But let's make one thing perfectly clear: If I (or anyone else on my behalf) ever call(s) 911 (or any equivalent fascist number) to summon you(r) tax-paid asses for assistance, I'll first ask whether you believe that my emergency is my own fault and you'll want to punish me for it after you "helped me," "rescued me," or "saved me from myself." If the answer is yes, stay the fuck away from me, no matter what the "emergency" is supposed to be.

You stay sitting in your government-funded firehouse and go on playing with your hose. I sure prefer slowly freezing to death on an ice floe over slowly bleeding to death because you fascist pigs shot me when I defended myself against your attempts to "cuff" me.

A statist sheep by the name of Steve comments bleats:

We pay taxes to provide emergency services… the key word there is emergency, not stupidity. By his own admission he made the choice to go floating off on a piece of ice which is dumb. What if you lived in the area and your house caught on fire from an electrical short and the firefighters response time was slowed because this idiot was taking up their time and equipment? He got off lucky with just the night in jail, 50 hours of service, and 100 dollar fine. I would have charged him for the use of time and equipment which I'm sure was more than just 100 bucks.

I mean, if he called for help, by all means bill him. But the article sounded like he neither needed nor wanted help. And in any event, there's no excuse to kidnap him, unless he refuses to pay.

What's next? Will the pigs kidnap all BASE jumpers, because BASE jumping is dangerous, and a BASE jumping accident could tie up a fire engine that then can't go to a house fire?

Oh, I know. I'll set up my own government. I'll waltz up to smokers, smack their cigarettes from their mouths, and then fine them for endangering my health because I had to breathe their smoke in order to help them.

Then, how does this sort of emergency service work out in terms of resources? Whether he wants help or not, you send him a fire engine, which then can't go to a house fire. So to punish him for that, you send a police car, which then can't go to a housebreaking or a murder, or for that matter, to a truly wicked crime like a drug deal or a statutory "rape." Now you've got a fire engine and a police car tied up, Sherlock.

I guess that's just the modern approach to police "work," huh? Never negotiate with terrorists, never give a window breaker a break, or as they put it in GTA: Liberty City Stories, "psychotic violence at the drop of a hat."

Real great work, Sherlock. Before we had the problem of being aggressed against by amateur criminals. Now we have the problem of being aggressed against by professional criminals that even get paid tax money. Real progress.

As I said, I'm making that real easy for you thugs, and I spell it out once over for you illiterates: If I ever get caught on an ice floe or any similar non-emergency of my own making, please ignore me and any pleas from moronic bystander sheeple to help me, and proceed directly to the house fire, house fires being the only excuse for your existence. (And only because the private fire insurance companies, whose responsibility firefighting is, palmed it off on the state in a nineteenth-century corporate welfare maneuver.)

Plus, as for El Presidente Steverino's argument, I'll have to point out that not all electrical fires are created equal. What if the guy with the house fire caused it by replacing a fuse with a hairpin? That would make him about as deserving or undeserving of help as a fool on a floe.

This just to illustrate how stupid the statists' examples usually are. They necessarily are, as there is no good argument for the existence of the state.

Ah, to think of the good old days of the Old West, when the danger that someone could call the government for help was minute.