People Who Live in Glass Towers…

Having defended The Donald's do, I can't possibly let this one slide… In case the link goes dead, it's the good old "flip-flops and skimpy attire in the office aren't professional" routine.

(Note the toadying comments below his post! Hilarious!)

I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to hear that from The Donald, of all people. Who would you rather do business with: someone in skimpy attire and flip-flops, or someone in an outrageous comb over — who, to add insult to injury, even refuses to shake hands with you? The Donald should be the last person in the world to criticize anybody's style.

By the way, the other day I saw a pic of him in an old magazine, from the early nineties. Back then, his do didn't look quite that bad. I think it was some kind of a comb over even then, but he still had a reasonable enough amount of hair to wear it with some dignity.

I think the evolution of The Donald's do is like frying a frog. They say if you set a frog in a hot frying pan, he'll hop out. But if you set him in a cold pan and slowly turn up the heat, he'll never notice the gradual increase in temperature and allow himself to get fried.

Now, I'm not a Frenchman, so I wouldn't do that to a poor varmint, but it sure has some bearing on the matter at hand, or rather, at hair. Likely, slowly losing hair after hair, The Donald never noticed how his comb over got more and more, to use his expression, "inappropriate" over the years.

Anyway, when I start hiring, it'll be:

"Keep, ancient firms, your professional pomp!" cries me
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your sweating masses yearning to breathe free,
The flip-flopping refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the workless, Trump-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside Trump's golden door!"

Palin in a Wolf Trap

When I was hiking in Alaska the other day, I happened across a Palin in a wolf trap.

How do I know that guy was a Palin?

Well, he had a Swiss Army Knife between his teeth, had amputated both arms and a leg, but was still stuck.

No new fundies!

Maverick and the Moron

Team of mavericks? My ass.

Either you're a maverick or you're part of a team. You can't be both.

Every time I hear Sarah Palin speak, my brain tries to skip from my skull. It just can't stand such a concerted attack of idiocy.

She makes Bush look like a genius. If nomen were omen, Sarah Palin's first name would have to be Sahara, for the barrenness of her mind.

Too bad Palin's not intelligent enough to pass for a moron. Would have been such a catchy title for her ticket: Maverick and the Moron. The M&M ticket.

Now it's gotta be Alzheimer and the Imbecile. Or rather, Alzheimer and the Idiot.

No new fundies!

Happy Boss Day, Assclowns!

Happy Another Hallmark Holiday! With this one, the clowns at Hallmark hit the jackpot, didn't they? Not a brownnoser in the world who won't become their customer tomorrow.

According to everybody's favorite joke of an encyclopedia, this "holiday" is about "Thanking workplace superiors for being kind and fair throughout the year." But in capitalism — voluntary cooperation to mutual advantage — being kind and fair is the responsibility of every boss and merits no special gratitude.

Any boss who fails to recognize that does not deserve the title "boss," is only grist for the mill of socialists (like Commissar Day is any better), and ought to be treated like the assclown from Nine to Five.

Instead of giving your boss a card or even a gift, give him or her a report card stating how well he or she fulfilled his or her responsibility of being kind and fair this past year.

But don't blame me if that gets you fired or stalls your career. Well, unless you're morbidly risk-averse, a born brownnoser, or working for an exceptional company, you're better off as an independent contractor anyways.

Sock it to the man, buster.

Category Five Bimbo

Hey, let's talk some more about everybody's favorite bimbo. Make that, brunette bimbo. In fact, she's brunettes' answer to blonde jokes.

Sarah Palin's been called a lot of things. Dan Quayle with a Ponytail. Hitler in High Heels. Now, Bill Maher called her a "category five moron."

I beg to disagree with this one. That cannot possibly be true.

Moron was originally an English scientific term, coined in 1910 by psychologist Henry H. Goddard from the Greek word moros, which meant "dull" (as opposed to "sharp"), and used to describe a person with a mental age located between 8 and 12 on the Binet scale. It was once applied to people with an IQ of 51-70, being superior in one degree to "imbecile" (IQ of 26-50) and superior in two degrees to "idiot" (IQ of 0-25).

Thus, you see, there are no category five morons — if a person is category five in stupidity, that makes her a category five idiot. In fact, back in Alaska, Palin was a regular participant in the Idiot Race (not to be confused with the more well known Iditarod Race).

Too bad she lost every time because she shot and field dressed her dogs. But then that's more or less par for the course at the Idiot Race.

Yet we should be grateful that Sarah Palin is with us today. Had she been around in 1925, Nome would have been wiped out by diphtheria.

By the way, speaking of field dressing…

If you've killed a cow moose, locate its uterus — if it's pregnant, remove fetus and transplant it to a surrogate moose womb because you don't believe in killing the unborn. You can shoot it later when it grows up.

Palin may be good for nothing, but at least she disproves all those stupid blonde jokes. You may not know this, but blondes are highly intelligent. All the stupidity that was available to nature went into Sarah Palin.



The eye of the bimbo:



Not a pretty sight. Someone's IQ going negative.



And I thought nobody could beat Dubya. At least no one with a pulse. Well, having a pulse doesn't guarantee having brainwaves.

Why, oh, why, did they ever let her out of her padded cell? But I already suspect the ugly truth.

You know, Alaska must be a bit behind the times. They don't yet have that nifty little invention called "Bellevue."

As the saying goes, you can put all the lipstick you want on a war pig… I say, no new fundies!

Quote of the Day

"Right now we are advising all our clients to put everything they've got into canned food and shotguns."

— Brain Gremlin

Free Levi!

Please help! Don't let this poor boy get field dressed!

http://www.freelevi.org/

Free Levi! Save the children!

Meet Sarah Palin, the Thief

Speaking of corrupt fundie-publicans, Sarah Palin, the moron, stole $13,000 from taxpayers to go and spread her religion. How does that bode for the separation of church and state under Maverick/Moron?

The real perversion is that corporate executives go to jail for embezzling so much as information from their shareholders. It's called insider trading.

Now, other than in government, in business it isn't wrong to take such perks. If a shareholder disagrees with these perks, he or she can always get out. Did you ever try to get out from under your government?

Both in a corporation and under a government, you can elect new executives. But with just two parties and political machines being political machines, chances are the next government executive will be just another crook.

Moreover, a government has the power to take more money from you by force once it has wasted the money it originally took from you. A corporation has no power to take any more money from you above and beyond your initial investment.

As for your initial investment, you can sell your stock (maybe at a loss). To get out from under your government, you have to sell all of your property in the state (maybe at a loss) and physically move out of state.

On the federal or national levels it's even worse, as all land is claimed by some government and no other government may be willing to accept you. It may be very hard to get a visa to move to another country.

And of course you can't secede and set up a new country. That would be treason or terrorism or worse, wouldn't it?

The problem is that governments arrogate themselves a territory where they claim a monopoly on the legal use of force. That's what makes them more dangerous than corporations.

That's why insider traders should not go to jail, but Sarah Palin should. And why in the future everything should be done by corporations, and nothing by government.

"Even the most precious functions of government — say, collecting taxes or hanging men — would be better done if the doing of them were farmed out to Ford." — H.L. Mencken

Now, Mencken was wrong about the first part. If a corporation is permitted to collect taxes, it becomes a government. But he was dead right on the latter part.

So Your Daughter Is a Porn Star…

In my outrage, I didn't say what should be done if a minor distributes nude pics of herself.

This isn't a case for the police. The school should have called the parents or legal guardians and told them:

"Your daughter keeps sending nude pics of herself to who knows who. There's an off chance that might get her raped.

"You may want to talk with her about that. And maybe you should take away her cell phone."

And that should have been the end of that matter.

But thanks to fascist laws written by fundie-publican morons, and thanks to the universal hatred for sex, the human body, and this world spread by the fundies, no person of any age is safe anymore enjoying herself, particularly not in Redneckistan.

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." — H.L. Mencken

As happy as sending nude pics of her body to her friends.

To the fundies, any pleasure, and particularly sex, is sinful. They believe that on this earth, human beings must suffer, so they may go to heaven. They believe that only by extirpating any kind of joy anywhere, they can buy their ticket to heaven.

Wake up and smell the coffee. You think rapists and perverts are the gravest dangers to your kids?

It's the fundie-publican pigs that aggress against your kids. And if the fundie-publicans are permitted to further poison minds by being permitted to hold offices of public trust, you and your children won't be safe anywhere, not in Realistan, nowhere.

Down with the fundie-publicans! November 2008 is yellow dog time!

Apex of Moronia: Newark, Ohio

(History will mark this as the point where Alex lost respect for all mankind.)

"Teen Charged for Sending Nude Phone Photos"

Authorities considering charges for students who received photos

If this goes on, I fear for the continued existence of the US of A.

Some lessons for the christo-fascists:

A fifteen-year-old is not a child. (People treating the sexuality of sexually mature teenagers as pedophilia have no business whatsoever looking down on Islamic extremists stoning women.)

Victim and criminal cannot be the same person. (If she's too young to agree to produce porn, then she's too young to be held responsible as well, you morons.)

Receiving something against one's will cannot be a crime. (If someone emails the moron in chief teen porn, will he be impeached?)

What's next?

Will masturbating teens be charged with statutory rape?

Will people who commit suicide be charged with murder?

If a thief forces me to take a stolen dollar bill from him, will I be prosecuted as a fence?

In any event, the title of Apex of Moronia has now officially passed from Arkansas to Newark, Ohio. Obviously, the IQs of those fucktards holding the august offices of pigs and prosecutors in that shit hole of a town, and those of the cavepersons that elected them, never ever reach room temperature.

Then maybe, the pigs and prosecutors in question are cowards, not morons? Maybe they did not want to do that to the kid, but felt the law left them no choice?

That neatly refutes "rule of law, not of men." Laws can only be very general guidelines that will never be applicable literally to any one case.

Those tasked with enforcing the law need common sense and the leeway to act on it. As I said before, "What is needed is not so much objective laws as objective people…"

Then I was talking about corrupt lawmen ignoring good laws. This is the diametrical opposite, potentially good lawmen not being free to waive bad laws.

In any event, laws, good or bad, can never replace reason. There are more than enough of the former, in Jesusland and everywhere else, but the latter is in woefully short supply, particularly in Dumbfuckistan.

I thought only people from the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon Line sleep with their sisters. But what else but centuries of indiscriminate incest can be responsible for the raging moronia in Jerkwater, Shitsforbrainsylvania, pardon, Newark, Ohio?

In one word, this is disgusting. At the moment, I'm even ashamed of being a fan of country music.

Time for whatever reasonable individuals are left in the US to secede from Dumbfuckistan? And no, the rednecks don't get to keep the nukes, no way.

For further exploration:

The morons' paper discussing the moron lawmakers' surprise at the unintended consequences of the fundie law: http://www.newarkadvocate.com/article/20081008/NEWS01/810080302

Visit the Apex of Moronia on the web: http://www.ci.newark.oh.us/

Yes, Virginia, even Podunk got a website these days.