A Modest Proposal: Ban Swine Flu

One thing I find hard to understand is why swine flu is still legal. Why do we encourage our kids to try swine flu by keeping stuff like that legal?

As I'm writing this, greedy, unconscionable hedonists are in defiance of reason and self-preservation traveling to Mexico to smuggle back swine flu and distribute it on the street to our children. They need to be saved from themselves and stopped from harming our children.

If swine flu is outlawed, kids will know it is evil and not experiment with it. If Obama is serious about protecting innocent lives, he will deploy troops to end the anarchy in Mexico, burn the swine flu plantations, and bring to justice the swine flu barons.

It's well-known how effective bans like these are. Evidence: Since the pope's bull against the comet in 1456, no comet has hit earth.